If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, it’s not easy to get back into it. But sometimes even dating regularly can make you break out in a sweat about relationships and commitment. Here are some ways to deal with your fear of finding love and start embracing it.
- Figure out what’s behind that fear. What exactly are you afraid of? Are you afraid of losing yourself to love? Are you afraid of getting your heart busted up? Figure out what’s trying to hold you back so that you can work through it.
- Try to see your partner for who they are. Instead of seeing them as a possible reincarnation of all your previous hurts, see them as someone with their own mind, heart, and personality. It’s not easy, but just think: how would you feel if your partner assumed you’d be like his toxic exes? You’re your own person. Treat them like they are.
- Don’t believe your negative self-talk. If you put yourself down about relationships, such as by thinking that you’re not interesting enough to be loved, you’re doing all the damage yourself! Try to silence that inner voice by not giving it attention. Those are just your fears talking.
- Trust yourself. It’s easy to fear relationships because you’re afraid of getting hurt, but you can’t control what others do to you. That doesn’t matter because you can control how you react. If someone cheats on you or takes out their bad moods on you, you don’t have to sit around and take it. So why be afraid of it happening? They can only hurt you once. You have the power to walk away.
- Tell them about your needs. You might have relationship fears because you don’t want a relationship to take over your whole life. That’s a valid fear, but you don’t have to let it eat away at you. Speak up about your needs early on when meeting someone so that they know what you’re about. For example, when it comes to your spare time and how much time you want to dedicate to other aspects of your life.
- Deal with fears of intimacy. We all want to be seen in the best way. Early on in relationships, we try to put our best feet forward, but as the person gets closer to us, they’ll start to see our “imperfections,” like how we look first thing in the morning or how we hate being invited to parties. These things can make us worry that we won’t be liked, but just think: the alternative to not being seen closely is being aloof and trying to seem perfect from afar. That’s not going to feel good at all. Perfection is boring.
- Stop thinking of love as being a lottery. If it feels like happy couples are a rarity in this world, you might think your chances of having a successful relationship are pretty darn low. But maybe you’ve just been spending too much time around unhappy couples or hearing stories of heartbreak. Fill your life with more positive stories and you’ll see that love is all around you. And remember, if you want the grand love you have to at least try to get it.
- You’re afraid you won’t have time. So maybe you’re really busy at work and you worry that this will stand in the way of you being able to have a happy relationship. Are you sure you’re not using your busy lifestyle as an excuse not to get with someone? Don’t let it stand in your way. You can have it all, no matter what people might say.
- Stop worrying that you won’t find your perfect partner. Guess what? Your perfect partner is out there, just not in the way you might think. But, he might surprise you with how amazing he is! So don’t get caught up in thinking you need to find someone exactly like you, or someone who matches all the points on your dream partner list. Maybe a lot of those points don’t even matter.
- Don’t fear change. Yes, you’re going to fight to hold onto who you are when you find a relationship that’s worthy of bringing into your life. Good for you. Honestly, your life will change a bit when you let love enter it. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though. Think of all the great things that could come from it!
