Learning how to love yourself doesn’t come easy. It’s a lesson you learn after long, hard years of making the same mistakes over and over again. One of the biggest mistakes you can possibly make is giving your power away in relationships, which often happens subconsciously and in such subtle ways you would never even notice it. Here are some behaviors you might be guilty of.
Changing your goals based on your partner’s
It’s one thing to shift your future plans for your partner because you want to integrate them into your life. However, if you find yourself completely changing your profession, location, or future goals to match your partner’s, you’re compromising a bit too much of yourself. It’s all about compromise, and that should never be one-sided.
Not speaking your truth
Maybe you’re not someone who feels comfortable with confrontation, but in relationships, it’s imperative that you communicate what’s in your mind/heart. For example, if you feel disrespected by something your partner said or did, then you need to find a time to talk about it instead of ignoring the issue. If you’re starting to feel that your needs aren’t being met, communicate ideas with your S.O. to solve the problem rather than remaining unhappy. Not speaking your truth will make you feel like you don’t have a voice in a relationship and there’s nothing worse than that.
No longer putting energy in your appearance
Interestingly, I find this to be one of the biggest indicators of giving up too much power in a relationship. Looking your best isn’t just for your partner, it’s a first impression, which creates your image and reputation. If, over time, you care less and less about how you look you are placing too much energy in your connection rather than on yourself, there’s a problem. Step away and ask yourself if your self-esteem or confidence has been negatively impacted by this relationship without you noticing it.
Agreeing to “let things go” rather than actually solving problems
Compromise is a huge part of a healthy relationship, but are you starting to feel like you’re the only one doing it? If so, you may be putting yourself second in the relationship and giving away your personal power without noticing it. As I said before, if you aren’t comfortable, then speak up. Being in a relationship isn’t the time to stop looking out for yourself or letting your confidence slip through your fingers. If your partner truly loves you, they’ll be willing to hear your side of the issue and work as a team player.
Ignoring your intuition
The intuition is your most powerful tool, and using it requires bravery. Many people would rather not listen because it frequently involves walking away from something we think we want. You’ll be surprised with the rewards that come with listening to your gut, so do yourself a favor and don’t give that type of power away. You know when something isn’t right for you, and it’s in your best interest to listen.
Putting more energy into your relationship rather than your interests
Relationships take work, and sometimes that can be exhausting, but it shouldn’t take so much work and energy that you lose focus on your interests. The work required in a relationship should be equally divided between both partners so you can still easily focus on your own life. No one and nothing is worth more than your happiness, so don’t sacrifice your goals and hobbies for someone else.
Canceling plans in order to be around your S.O.
Spending time away from your partner is very healthy for your relationship. Going out with your friends keeps your social circle strong and means you can have a full, well-rounded life. Your friends are the ones you turn to if you go through a breakup or need a new perspective. Don’t give the power of friendship or support away because of your relationship. There’s more to life.
Rationalizing when your S.O hurts you
There’s admitting you’re sensitive and plain old ignoring the wrong your partner did, which gives a large amount of your personal power away. It’s crucial in relationships to stand up for yourself no matter how many times you need to. This prevents your self-confidence from suffering and if it becomes time to leave, you’ll feel strong enough to do so.
Fearing judgment from friends/family about your relationship
Do you find yourself not disclosing the entire truth to your friends and family about your relationship because you fear their judgment? While it’s hard to hear the truth, you know it’s important that you do. This takes your personal power because it slowly begins to isolate you from the trustworthy and frank people around you.
Allowing your partner’s judgment to affect your view of yourself
If your partner is hypercritical of you, degrades you, or calls you name, that’s emotional abuse and you cannot stay in a relationship like that. However, it isn’t wrong to care about our partner’s opinions as long as it’s within a healthy emotional perimeter. If you’re starting to dislike yourself more since the relationship than you may be giving your partner too much of yourself. You deserve so much better.
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