We all know to look for certain red flags on a first date, but what you might not know is that most guys will actually tell you how the relationship is going to end during your very first conversation. Here’s what to watch out for.
- His last girlfriend was a psycho. If a guy places all the blame on his ex or simply calls her crazy, it’s clear he doesn’t know how to take responsibility for his own actions and that’s bound to crop in your relationship with him down the line. Any guy who’s incapable of acknowledging his shortcomings and accuses a girl of insanity because of his lack of self-awareness is going to create a toxic relationship.
- He cheated on his ex. Everyone deserves the opportunity to change, of course, but studies have shown that people who cheat once are much more likely to cheat in their subsequent relationships than people who don’t. No matter how effusive he is about his regret or how much he says he’s transformed, you should be aware that the odds are not in your favor.
- He doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents. If you enter into a relationship with someone that’s going to last, be aware that you’re entering a relationship with that person’s entire family, along with all the baggage and dysfunction that accompany it. Like it or not, it’s impossible to cut ourselves off from our families completely, however much we want to sometimes—and if the guy you’re dating has a bad relationship with his, you’re in for a very bumpy ride. Love can only conquer so much.
- He says anything whatsoever about “ugly girls.” He may think he’s flattering you by letting you in on his disdain for “unattractive” women, but if there’s ever a douchy, misogynistic giveaway, this is it. Any guy who’s capable of reducing women to their appearances, especially in front of another woman, is the worst kind of human you can find. Do us all a favor and throw your drink in his face when you leave.
- He snaps at the waiter. A red flag if ever there was one, being rude to waiters is probably the clearest indication that the guy you’re with is a first class a-hole. No matter what he says afterward, the cat’s out of the bag. There should be no negotiating in your head on this one. He’s rude to a waiter, you leave. End of story. How someone treats strangers tells you how they view other people, and it will only be a short while before he’s treating you that way.
- He keeps bringing up sex. There’s nothing wrong with loving sex—in fact, it’s probably a plus for most people—but a guy who keeps turning the conversation towards it without encouragement from you might be a little too obsessed. If he’s too distracted by his lust or previous sexual escapades to have a normal conversation with you, your sex life is going to be all about him and his desires.
- He’s had to cut toxic people out of his life. Obviously it’s great to eliminate bad influences from your circle of friends, but if he brings this up on the first date, it’s clearly something that is close to the surface for him, meaning he’s probably pretty receptive to unhealthy relationships and thinks it’s all a total coincidence. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but only up to a certain point. Be on the lookout for other indications of poor judgment and recklessness.
- He asks if you mind if he leaves his phone on for work. It’s nice of him to ask, right? But let’s face it, on a first date, that’s a totally rhetorical question and shows that his career is more important to him than the first real conversation he’s ever going to have with a potential life partner. If a guy is dumb enough to reveal his unhealthy work/life balance on the first date, you can be sure your relationship with him will show a pattern of selfishness from him—and frustration and loneliness for you.
- He goes into an awkward amount of detail about his gym routine/grooming habits. No one wants to date a narcissist, especially one who’s terrible at concealing it. Any guy who’s so obsessed with his appearance that he has to tell you his whole beauty regimen on the first date is going to be even more insufferable in a relationship. Dating a guy who’s too obsessed with himself to fully love someone else is a complete non-starter.
- He talks about his ex. If a guy is talking about his ex on the first date, he probably isn’t ready for a new relationship. Of course, some guys will tell you everything you need to hear about how the past is behind them and they’re ready to move on, but even if you end up dating them seriously, their heart will never be fully in it. Make sure he’s thoroughly over his previous relationship before even entertaining the thought of seeing him again.
