Narcissists are champions when it comes to deception. When they get to know you, they tend to shower you with love and praise. But it’s not a phase that’s going to last. Sooner or later, they’ll chase all their so-called displays of love with toxic behavior, and they’ll go to great lengths to ruin your reputation and your life. It’s scary stuff, so be aware of this sneaky moves every narcissist has in their arsenal.
1. They start a major smear campaign.
A smear campaign is when a narcissist spreads nasty rumors about you to other people, usually when the relationship comes to an end. They do this to save face and change the narrative of what happened between you. If they can get to your mutual friends and paint a picture of you as the enemy, they’ll break their necks to do so. This way, they get all the sympathy — and the friends.
2. They gaslight you.
Narcissists love to mess with your head, trying to distort your perception of reality so that you doubt yourself and feel like you’re going crazy. For example, they might say that the way you remember something is completely off-base, or they pretend they can’t remember something that happened even though it was a major event (and a traumatic one for you).
3. They project negative traits onto you.
When you challenge a narcissist, they’ll turn the tables onto you. If they’re guilty, they’ll make it seem like you’re the guilty one. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were loyal, reliable, honest, and gave this person your all. And yet, they somehow manage to convince you (at least a little bit) that you messed up. This is their way of ruining your life by making you feel riddled with guilt and pain.
4. They use triangulation.
Narcissists are pros at bringing other people into your relationship to make you feel isolated or pushed aside. For example, they’ll become best friends with your sibling or friend to make you jealous and feel like they’re stepping over your most important relationships. Even when you break up or they’re no longer in your life, they might still try to stay in contact with the other people in your life as a way of alienating you further and making you even more uncomfortable.
5. They love to hoover.
Hoovering is when a narcissist turns into a human vacuum cleaner by trying to suck you back into the relationship after you’ve walked away or they’ve rejected you. They’ll flatter you, shower you with gifts, and love-bomb you so you go back to where they can control you easier. Once you’ve convinced yourself that they actually might have changed, they go back to their old ways.
6. They break you down.
Narcissistic partners will find ways to break you down and dent your self-esteem. They’ll belittle you and criticize you to make you feel bad about yourself. By hurting you, it’s easier for them to manipulate you. If you don’t think you deserve better than them, you won’t demand it, and they can keep going with their BS.
7. Â They isolate you.
You’re easier to control when a narcissist has managed to pull you away from your loved ones and support system. They’ll trash-talk your family and friends to put a wedge between you and make you feel completely and utterly alone and like you can’t rely on anyone. By trashing your self-esteem, they’ll also make you feel broken down so you stay with them, thinking no one else will love you.
8. They punish you for leaving.
When you’ve plucked up the courage to leave a narcissist, they’ll try to hurt you with abusive behavior. This can involve threats and stalking you with tons of texts to make you feel like you’ll never be able to move on and heal. You might be so scared of crossing them that you eventually give in to their demands. Don’t!
9. They attack your vulnerabilities.
Narcissists work quickly to notice your vulnerabilities, like if you’re lonely or you lack self-confidence. They’ll prey on these things so that they can gain more control of you. For example, if you were lonely before they came along, they’ll remind you of this whenever you try to exert your independence.
10. They make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself.
You might try to set boundaries to protect yourself and your resources, but that’s just not going to work for a narcissist. To stop you, they’ll guilt you for trying to look after yourself and make you feel bad for choosing yourself over them. In the end, you end up feeling selfish and uncaring, when that’s not the case at all.
11. They use the silent treatment to control you.
Someone who wants to dominate you will just stop talking to you entirely to try to punish you if you have an argument with them or say something they don’t like. They’ll disappear, ignore your texts, and leave you waiting for when they decide to come back. It can cause you to feel angry, sad, or anxious.
12. They have narcissistic rage.
A narcissist will react with aggressive or angry outbursts if you make them feel like you’re criticizing or challenging them. They’ll scream and become aggressive, which is scary, especially if they’ve ever shown a tendency towards physical violence.
13. They use emotional blackmail.
When you walk away from the toxic relationship, the person might use emotional blackmail to hurt you. When you don’t do what they expect from you, a narcissist will make you fear that they’ll hurt you because they’ll often threaten to do exactly that. They might say they’ll expose your secrets, get you fired from your job, or cause some other catastrophic damage in your life.
14. They blame you for how they’re abusive.
When you try to confront the narcissistic person for their toxic behavior, they’ll avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Instead, they’ll blame you for everything — even their abusive tendencies.
15. They accuse you of things you haven’t done.
One of the most damaging ways that a narcissist will try to ruin your life and make you miserable is by accusing you of things you haven’t done. They might say that you’ve stolen from them or cheated on them just to ruin your reputation. It’s also a sneaky way to deflect from their behavior. Get away from them as fast as you can!
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