Ways You’re Pushing Your Boyfriend Away Without Realizing It, According To A Guy

Does it ever feel like you and your boyfriend are starting to drift apart? It could be down to something you’re doing. Most guys won’t run at the first sign of trouble or when something doesn’t go as we planned, but we will start to pull away and take a little space from the relationship. If you’re doing these things, don’t be surprised if your guy starts drifting a little further.

  1. Always being negative OK, everyone is entitled to be in a bad mood every now and then. But there’s a big difference between the occasional bad mood and always being negative. I’m sure most women are the same way, but guys want a girlfriend who’s pleasant and enjoyable to be around. If you’ve been in a bad mood more frequently lately or doing more complaining than usual, you could be pushing your boyfriend away without realizing it because he just doesn’t want to be around that negativity.
  2. Making him the source of your happiness This is “Being an Independent Woman 101,” right? I mean, you and your partner should make each other happy, but you can’t base your happiness entirely off your boyfriend. Guys can sense when you do that and it puts a lot of pressure on us. On top of that, it’s not really healthy. If you start to become too dependent on a guy to make you happy, he might start to pull away just to overcompensate and get a little space.
  3. Pushing commitment too hard Ladies, I can’t stress this enough: you can’t force a guy to commit to you. Instead, you just have to let him get there on his own. You may think that pushing for a commitment will make the two of you closer but in reality, you’ll probably just push him away. If he’s just not ready, he’ll run away so fast if he thinks you’re trying to lock down a commitment. Yes, feel free to nudge him a little in that direction and let him know what you want, but if you push too hard, you’ll probably just push him away.
  4. Trying to get him to change There are reasons why people say it’s hard to change a guy. For starters, we’re stubborn creatures. We’re also a little stupid and don’t always know what’s best for us. To be fair, you probably mean well when you try to change a guy, but that doesn’t make it a good idea. Ultimately, we want women to like us for who we are, and if we notice you trying to change us, we know that’s not the case. When we sense that, we tend to pull away from the relationship.
  5. Expecting him to read your mind Surely, you realize that men aren’t mind readers. But just because a guy can’t read your mind doesn’t mean that we don’t care or pay enough attention to you. It just means that we’re incapable of knowing what you want without you communicating it. Too many times women expect their boyfriends to know what’s bothering them or know how to please them, but the truth is we don’t know unless you tell us. When you don’t, we get frustrated that you’re frustrated and we start to pull away because neither one of us is happy.
  6. Sweating the small stuff Here’s the thing, no guy is going to be the perfect boyfriend. Sometimes we’ll forget important things or show up a little late. It happens. I’m sure you ladies can admit that you have minor flaws as well. Please just let the little stuff go. Most guys will understand if their girlfriend gets upset over a major indiscretion, but reminding us about the little details we got wrong will drive us crazy and drive us away.
  7. Making comparisons with your ex I can’t stress enough how much guys hate when you compare us to your ex-boyfriends. You may not realize it, but deep down, most guys are at least a little insecure. We just can’t handle you talking about your ex being better at something than us. Sometimes we can’t even handle thinking that you have an ex-boyfriend. Yeah, it’s stupid and childish, but it’s the truth. When you speak positively about your ex, we tend to pull away because there’s this voice in our head that says you’re going to leave us and go back to him. Really, it’s about self-preservation, so please put a moratorium on talking about your ex.
  8. Lack of intimacy Not everything comes down to sex, but a lack of intimacy in your relationship can cause a guy to pull away. Everybody knows that your sex life isn’t going to remain as awesome as it was at the start of your relationship, but guys do need to feel some kind of intimacy with their partner to stay close to them. It doesn’t mean you have to have sex non-stop. But there needs to be some kind of physical contact and intimacy every day. Otherwise, a guy will start to think that he’s unwanted and pull away. If there’s no sex, cuddling, or even hand-holding on a regular basis in your relationship, you might be pushing your boyfriend away without realizing it.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.