No one has this dating thing figured out, but it sucks when you all you seem to do is attract jerks, playboys, and all the wrong types of guys. The ones that don’t have a single faithful bone in their bodies, the ones that are never ready to commit, the ones that play games with your heart and head. However, the good guys are not a myth and believe it or not, there are ways you can actually attract one and stop wasting your time with all the rest.
Choose yourself first.
The first step to finding any kind of fulfilling relationship is doing the work on yourself. If you don’t love, respect, value, and treat yourself right, you’re mostly going to keep attracting men who keep the cycle going. You need to become the best version of yourself to find men who are also the best version of themselves. The truth is, we tend to accept the love that we think we are worthy of, so the better you feel about yourself, the better the men you’ll attract.
Be intentional about what you want.
Figure out what you want in a partner and what you will not put up with under any condition and stick to those ideals. Make sure you’re not putting out confusing messages about the kind of guy you’re looking for. When you meet potential partners, be direct and speak your mind. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Embrace your truth instead of trying to work around their ego or saying what you think they want to hear. Stop playing yourself like that and it’ll help you weed out the wrong guys.
Revisit your dating parameters.
My friends used to say that my type was men I knew were going to ruin my life. It was a funny joke, but it was also true and my dating experience didn’t improve until I changed my standards. The reason you haven’t been attracting the right guy might be because he’s not really what you’re looking for. Letting go of superficial preferences like height, beards, or the hardness of his abs in favor of qualities like kindness, empathy, and respect can help turn your luck around.
Invest in your life.
While you’re holding out for the right guy, you need to ensure that you’ve got a lot going for you in your life. Do you have a job? Are you financially independent? Are you happy on your own? The right men want to date women who are their own people and have well-rounded lives. Being somebody’s whole world might sound cute on paper, but in reality, it is terrifying and unhealthy and no one wants that. There are so many experiences to fill your life with beyond relationships, so try living your best one solo.
Be fully yourself.
I know I’ve been guilty of pretending to be something I wasn’t just so some guy would be interested in me. It’s totally not worth it because if he is the right guy for you, you wouldn’t have to change to earn his affection. The right guys will like you for who you are when they see you being authentically yourself. You shouldn’t ever try to downplay how smart, funny, or outgoing you are for the sake of a man.
Stop obsessing over finding true love.
Nothing is more pathetic than someone who is clearly desperate to find and hang on to love. Yes, being single sucks sometimes, but it’s not a terrible thing. You’re not only going to exhaust yourself by pouring all your time and energy into finding the right guy, but you’re also going to end up chasing good guys away because they can sense the desperation.
Trust the process.
Playing it cool when you meet a nice guy that you really like will save you a lot of trouble. Don’t be in a hurry to take things to the next step that you end up missing out on a good thing. Relax and get to know him better. Enjoy the natural pace of things and just allow it to happen.
Confidence is everything.
Know your worth and believe in it. Carry yourself with pride and no guy can walk all over you because they’re probably going to be intimidated by your confidence. Don’t shrink yourself or speak negatively about your achievements. The right guys will be drawn to you because confidence is sexy.
If you focus on building a strong support system and surrounding yourself with love, you might end up attracting the right guys without even knowing it. Meeting people who share the same common interests and establishing close friendships with them will help expand your social circle and options. Friends will love you and give you great advice and be there for you even after you find the right guy.
Pay attention to your appearance.
I’m not saying be overly vain, but dressing in an appealing and smart way will help the right guys take notice of you. Wear what makes you look and feel good. You don’t have to buy designer clothes to attract the right men as long as you’re dressed to impress.
Put yourself out there
. The right guys are not going to fall into your lap, you need to go out and socialize to meet them. If you’re going to use dating apps, stick to the professional ones and avoid platforms like Tinder because you’re only going to find guys that are only looking for a good time. Be outgoing, switch up the places where you hang out, so you can attract more quality men.
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