11 Ways To Tell For Sure He’s Looking For Something Long-Term Without Asking Him On The First Date

While asking “Where’s this going?” would seem psycho on the first date, there are ways to figure out a person’s intentions right away. Here are some things to look for so you don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t have his head in the game, because you’ve got better things to do with your time.

1. You ask about long-term goals and he delivers. If the guy you’re on a date with seems open and honest about his long-term goals and commitments, that’s usually a good sign that when it comes to relationships he’s also going to be looking for something serious. If you think about it, first dates can sometimes be like job interviews. You want the person you’re going to be “hiring” for the boyfriend position to be open about their long-term goals, instead of not have vision. That’ll just lead you to a dead-end relationship because he won’t know what he wants from you.
2. He shows you the bad stuff. Of course it’s shady for a guy to let you see all his nasty behaviors on the first date, but if he’s honest about his good and bad qualities, that’s a really good sign. It shows that he doesn’t want to try to impress you by seeming perfect—he’d rather be upfront and let you see what he’s about.
3. He wants to make you happy. He shows you that he’s going to make your happiness a priority. This comes across immediately on a first date: he’s kind, respectful, listens to you, and makes it clear that he wants to see you again. He’s not just hoping for a quickie back at his place or seems like he’s just out for a good time. You can spot the selfish daters by how they seem distracted or just want to do whatever they want, like hit the bar even though first-date drinking isn’t your thing.
4. He makes you a priority. It’s really the small details that show you what someone wants in the dating game. If he tries to make you a priority by being reliable, making time for you, and not filling your head with incessant talk of his ex, then that’s a good start. It shows that his head is in the game with you.
5. Sex is hinted at. Sure, some chemistry and flirting are always good to get the sparks flying, but if you feel like he wants to get you into a corner and hump your leg, the dude’s a douche. The mark of a guy who’s looking for a long-term, committed relationship is someone who doesn’t make everything about sex right off the bat.
6. His previous relationships are telling. Has the guy been in at least one long-term relationship before meeting you or does it seem like he’s jumped from one woman to the next? This is important to figure out as soon as possible so you don’t waste your time with a fly-by-night.
7. He still believes in love. Everyone goes through heartbreak, but that doesn’t mean people should be bitter. If he’s still positive about love and believes in it, that’s a good sign. Also, it means he’s not afraid to be a bit emotional in your presence, which is a definite bonus!
8. He’s fun-loving, but… He doesn’t seem to be the kind of guy who only wants to party all the time. If you’re bored out of your skull hearing about the times he and his best mate did something wild, clearly that’s what he’s after. He’s on a date with you but really wanting to enjoy the single life. The two don’t gel!
9. He’s got his act together. A guy who’s all over the place, going through a rough time, or just doesn’t seem to be adulting isn’t good boyfriend material. He’s just going to bring drama to you and probably going to be unable to commit properly. Be sure to ask him more questions about his life, job, and social circle. If you spot lots of drama, run!
10. He keeps his word. Before and after the first date, it’s essential to check that the guy keeps his word. This is one of the most important and reliable tests for someone you want to date. If he tells you he’ll phone you later in the day but then you don’t hear from him for three days, it’s not a good sign. It shows that you’re not a priority and he really couldn’t care less. When ignored, those little things will later become much larger problems that waste your time with the wrong guy.
11. He can tell you what he wants. A guy who knows himself, where he’s going, and what he wants out of relationships as well as life is someone you want to date. The opposite’s true of the guy who can’t really answer your question. Where’s his head at? What does he want? Will he string you along? Although he might be waxing lyrical about how much he likes you on a first date, if he doesn’t know himself and what his heart desires, he’s probably not in this for a long-term setup.