While it can be totally devastating, losing your partner’s trust doesn’t have to mean the relationship is over. Trust can be rebuilt if you’re committed to making amends for the things you’ve done to lose it. Of course, going about regaining your boyfriend’s trust may not be easy and it likely won’t be quick. However, if you’re committed to making things work, here are some things you can do.
Admit you hurt him.
The first thing you have to do to earn a guy’s trust back is to own up to whatever you did. Don’t try to rationalize it and don’t try to make excuses. You also can’t try to pin part of the blame on him. In fairness, he may have some responsibility in what happened, but trying to play the blame game isn’t going to help. If that’s your ultimate goal, you may have to swallow some of your pride, no matter how bitter it might taste.
Explain why you did what you did.
Deep down, guys are more practical and rational than most women. We operate based on facts rather than emotions. We need to know why you did what you did so we can try to understand it. If you want to regain his trust, it’s important to answer any questions he has, even if they are painful to answer. Doing this will help to convince him that it won’t happen again.
Again, you may not be the only one who deserves blame for what happened, but you’ll still need to apologize. Obviously, the trick is to make the apology sincere. Otherwise, there’s no point in doing it. He’ll struggle to get past what you did if he doesn’t believe your apology is coming from the heart.
Listen to him.
If he’s willing to share how it made him feel when you wronged him, it’s important that you listen to him. To be fair, not all guys will spill their guts and let you know how hurt they are, but if he’s willing to open up, you have to let him say his piece. If he doesn’t get it off his chest, it’ll be that much more difficult for him to trust you again.
Share something about yourself.
An important part of the equation is letting him know that you trust him – this will make him more likely to feel like he can offer you the same in return. A good way to do this is to share something about yourself that you’ve never told anyone. You have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. This will let him know that it’s okay for him to go out on a limb for you as well.
Give him attention.
Rebuilding a guy’s trust in you requires a lot of one-on-one time. In a way, it’s like starting the relationship over from scratch. You need to show him a lot of attention by spending quality time together as a couple. Remember that quality time means being present in the moment with him. That means eye contact and putting your full attention on him.
Offer full disclosure.
Regaining someone’s trust usually requires a little overcompensating. You need to commit to full disclosure and keeping no secrets, even tiny ones, from your boyfriend for a while. You’ll need to overshare at times as a way of letting him know that you’re not hiding anything from him. If he still thinks you’re hiding something, it’ll stand in the way of trusting him again. Getting beyond this point often requires overcompensating.
Don’t dwell on it.
For the record, it might take a little time until you sense that he trusts you again, but you need to make sure you don’t dwell on the issue for too long. Once you’ve explained yourself and apologized, do your best to move past it. If he brings it up, that’s one thing, but you need to focus on getting the relationship back on track.
Give plenty of affection.
If you want him to renew his trust in you, it’s vital that you prove to him that you still care about him. Odds are he lost trust in you because you did something that suggested you don’t care. The best way to disprove this is to show him attention and affection. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex with him nonstop, although that’s not a terrible idea. It might mean hugs, cuddling, and other non-sexual forms of affection. Of course, you’ll have to be prepared for him being a little resistant at first if he’s having trouble trusting you.
Perhaps more than anything, just be patient. Regaining a guy’s trust after he’s been hurt isn’t going to happen overnight. Every guy will be different and operate based on his own schedule. You just have to give him some time and only worry about the things you can control. Deep down, he probably wants to trust you. He just needs you to let him get there on his own when he’s ready.
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