Moving dating into the 21st century also means abandoning old-school gender roles in relationships. That means it’s time for women to become more assertive and take the lead more in relationships rather than always waiting for the guy to do so. As a guy, here are a few ways we’d love if women would take the lead in a relationship.
- Suggest your ideal date. Guys aren’t mind readers—I can’t stress that enough. We also aren’t always that great at picking up hints. If you have an idea for the perfect date, you need to communicate that rather than waiting for the guy you’re dating to figure it out. If dinner and a movie isn’t your jam, most guys are open to other ideas. Not all of us are that creative, however, so we stick to the classics. More importantly, we don’t want to hear “that’s fine” when we suggest a date idea. We want you to enjoy yourself, so feel free to take the lead when it comes to how you and your paramour spend time together.
- If you feel passionate about a topic, bring it up. A lot of women are still a little old-fashioned when it comes to making the guy lead the conversation and keep a woman interested. It doesn’t have to be like that. Surely, women have things they’d like to talk about and there’s nothing wrong with trying to steer the conversation in that direction. For most guys (at least the unselfish kind), if you’re happy, we’re happy, so whatever you want to talk about is fine with us.
- Express some interest. Can we just agree that the days of women playing hard to get should be over? It just makes courtships so much more difficult and complicated than they already are. If you like a guy, do something—don’t just wait for him to make a move. If we want to live in a world with true gender equality, we have to give up this notion that men have to always take the lead. Plus, you’d be surprised at how often guys like when a woman takes the lead and makes the first move.
- Cross physical barriers. As I’m sure we all know, some guys have no problem with this. However, more cautious and respectful guys are constantly looking for signals and second-guessing themselves when it comes to doing anything physical, particularly early in a relationship. A lot of us are even more unsure in the wake of the Me Too movement. It’s becoming more and more imperative for women to take the lead on this. When women are ready to cross physical barriers, even if it’s just a post-date kiss, you need to take the lead a little more. If nothing else, make it clear what they want instead of relying on guys to read the signs.
- Make a long-term commitment. Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to get mad at a guy if he doesn’t bring up being exclusive. It’s just not how most of us are wired. It’s also useless playing games in order to get one of us to commit. Ladies, if you see a relationship being able to work long-term, say something. If you feel like taking the next step, you should initiate the conversation. That doesn’t mean you can force a guy to commit, but you can let him know that you’d like to move things forward.
- Pay for dinner/drinks. First, I want to say that any guy born after the 1940s will be totally down with a woman buying him drinks or at least splitting the bill after dinner. That doesn’t make us cheap. Let’s be honest, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with splitting the check. If you want true gender equality, that’s kind of how dating should work nowadays, right? Most guys will still try to pay, but it’s fine if you ladies take the lead and insist on splitting it. Also, I will say that treating a guy to drinks is a nice way to show him that you’re into him. Think of it as the obvious approach if he’s not picking up your other hints.
- Keep things from getting stale in bed. I think we can all agree that when a couple is having issues in the bedroom, it’s up to both partners to help fix it. That means you ladies should feel free to take the lead as much as we do. Sometimes, it’s easier to try new things in bed when the woman is suggesting it. Remember, we’re not mind readers. If there’s something you want to do differently, you have to let us know.
- End things when they’ve run their course. In my experience, women don’t usually have a problem with this part. Nevertheless, it never hurts to bring it up. If you’ve met someone else or feel like it’s not working, women should not hesitate to take the lead and break off the relationship. You can’t be afraid of hurting someone’s feelings in that situation. The more you let the relationship go on, the more it’ll hurt anyway. If you’re not feeling it, take charge and end it sooner rather than later.
