Texting can be a fun and convenient way to get to know someone, but if you don’t do it right, you can easily end up turning a guy off. Here are some of the common ways women tend to scare us away via text—hopefully you don’t make the same mistake.
Texting without a purpose
We guys generally enjoy texting with you, but not if you’re going to force small talk on us. We can go out to a restaurant or get drinks if you want to small talk. Please don’t just text to ask us “what’s up” and expect us to carry the conversation from there. We don’t always have something interesting to say or the time to be texting back and forth about nothing in particular. Trying to make us do that isn’t going to win you any points.
Far too often, women tend to assume that guys want to receive texts as often as you do. This isn’t exactly accurate, at least not for most of us. I’ve known women who look at getting texts as a sign of validation that someone in the world cares about them. I’m not saying that all women are like that, but most guys definitely aren’t. We don’t need to receive a constant wave of texts from you, and if you think that’s what we want and start over-texting, it can be a turn-off.
Sure, guys are a little flattered when you get drunk and decide to start texting us, but you also need to be careful of what you text, even when you’re drunk. There’s a good chance you’ll end up texting something to us that will scare us off. Trying to blame it on the alcohol after the fact isn’t going to work either. It doesn’t paint you in a good light and could cause us to lose interest.
Talking about your ex
Let’s be clear, any mention of your ex via text, especially early in a relationship, is going to be a near-certain dealbreaker. Guys don’t want to hear about your ex and we don’t want to help you work through your unresolved feelings. If you want to talk about your ex-boyfriend, text one of your girlfriends.
Brushing over our compliments
OK, so telling you that you’re beautiful or giving you a similar compliment via text isn’t the same as saying it in person, but that doesn’t mean you should just brush it off or ignore it. If we give you a compliment in a text, we mean it and we’re making an honest effort to be nice to you. Please acknowledge the effort and thank us for the compliment. If you don’t, we’ll start to feel unappreciated and may not want to invest any more in this relationship.
Asking why we didn’t respond to your last text
Few things scare guys away quicker than overt neediness, and few things scream needy like asking us why we didn’t return your last text right away. We understand that you’re afraid we may be ghosting you, but it’s also more likely that we’re at work or we’re busy and we don’t have time to text you back right away. It happens and we don’t like having to explain that to you constantly.
Airing your body image issues
For the record, we don’t love hearing about this in person either, but it’s even worse via text. We get that not all women love the way they look, but if you’ve started to date us or at least text with us on a regular basis, there’s a 99% chance we like how you look. Talking about your insecurities when it comes to your looks isn’t good text conversation. It also doesn’t endear you to any guy.
Too much “text speak”
For crying out loud, text in complete sentences, spell check before sending, and use proper punctuation. It’s important to remember that most guys aren’t the savvy texters that most of you ladies are, so we don’t always understand the shorthand you’re using. We’re also not going to be that eager to look up what you’re trying to say. Therefore, you need to use real words when you text. For most of us, it’s not going to be worth it to keep talking to a woman when we can’t understand your texts.
Responding only with emojis
On a similar note, please try to keep the emojis to a minimum if you can. There are way too many emojis nowadays, and most guys don’t have access to an emoji-to-English dictionary to help us translate. Just like texts with too much shorthand, if we can’t understand what you’re trying to say, we’re going to lose interest in continuing to text with you real fast.
Keeping things too short
Last but not least, guys hate when you text us the bare minimum. It’s fine at the end of the conversation to say “see ya later,” but don’t just text “ok” or “hmm.” Texting one- or two-word replies and leaving the rest up to us makes us feel like you’re not that interested. If we don’t think you’re that interested, we’re likely to lose interest as well. Remember, it’s not just on us to keep the conversation going. You ladies have to pull your weight too.
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