We Need Textual Chemistry Or I’m Not Interested

Textual chemistry is crucial for me to be happy in dating and relationships. I won’t even go on a first date if we don’t have it—I stick to my guns on this one because it’s not something I’m willing to compromise on. After all, if there’s nothing there via text, how is it going to be any better in person?

  1. I love to text. Texting in general is enjoyable for me. I also really love to text the person I’m dating, so if they’re not into it or they send one-word answers hours after I message them, that’s going to be a deal breaker. It doesn’t make either of us right or wrong, good or bad. It just means we aren’t a fit.
  2. There’s someone for everyone. I truly believe that there’s someone for everyone and if it isn’t working out between us, there’s going to be other people who’ll be a much better fit. There’s no reason to try to force a fit when the textual chemistry just isn’t flowing. We should just say goodbye and look out for someone we’re on the same page with.
  3. It’s important that we can have good conversations. It’s not enough that the person I’m dating be willing to text — it’s very important to me that we can have good conversations. They don’t have to be perfect or thrilling, but a little bit of excitement is good and so is lots of respect, care, and attention. The chemistry needs to be there or they just won’t do it for me. 
  4. I want to date someone I actually want to talk to. The biggest reason why textual chemistry is so important to me is that I want to date someone I’m actually excited to talk to, you know? Call me a hopeless romantic, but I want my heart to pitter-patter when their name shows up on my phone. I don’t want to roll my eyes knowing that I’m going to have to carry the conversation.
  5. Caring about texting me is half the battle. I’ve texted people where it genuinely seems like I’m bothering them and they don’t give a crap about the conversation. Come on, that’s just awkward. I don’t think it’s so much to ask for to have someone who’s super interested in talking to me over text. This can mean that they’re also interested in dating me, which is what I’m after.
  6. The other half of the battle is our compatibility. Compatibility is much harder to tell over texting. I’ll usually go on a first date with someone if we’ve had a good flow of texting but I’m unsure whether or not we’re legitimately a good match. It takes much longer to tell whether or not I’m compatible with someone long-term. However, even if someone and I have good textual chemistry, if a red flag or two comes up, I’m out.
  7. Texting can highlight red flags. I like to text with someone for a bit before meeting up with them because I’ve been able to see red flags this way. It’s not that I’m always looking for them, but seeing them early definitely saves me some trouble.
  8. I want to be kept in the loop about their life. There’s a question on OkCupid that says something like “Do you want to be informed on the day-to-day details of your partner’s life?” My answer to that question is “Yes!” I love to know about what goes on in my partner’s life and I want to share what goes on in mine. Texting is a huge part of this.
  9. I listen to my gut. If something feels off about our texting (or the person I’m texting with, for that matter), my gut often speaks up about it in the form of a twist in my stomach. I listen to this twist when it’s loud enough. I’ve been proven right when I ended it with someone I had weird text chemistry with and they totally freaked out.
  10. I’ve been proven right too many times. I’ve had times where I went out with people even though the texting sucked and our in-person chemistry turned out to be crappy too. I’ve also walked away from many potential dates because of bad textual chemistry and I never looked back.
  11. I know it’s not a guarantee of real-life chemistry. I have to say that although textual chemistry’s really important, I know that it doesn’t guarantee real-life chemistry at all. In fact, I’ve had tons of occasions where great texting didn’t translate into attraction or real-life compatibility. 
  12. I don’t need all day everyday texting. To some, it may seem as if I’m looking for someone who will text me all day long. That’s not true at all! I have things to do. I don’t text anyone all day long. Rather, I’m only looking for someone who’s willing to banter with me, share their day, and express interest in me. That doesn’t sound like so much to ask for!
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.