The narrative is as old as time: boy meets girl, they fall in love, all they do is fight and slam doors but it’s romantic because they’re so passionate about each other and their entire relationship consists of them breaking up and getting back together every other week. Sounds dreamy, huh? Nah, I’m gonna pass on that. Since when did it stop being cool to have a happy, healthy relationship?

Just because you fight all of the time doesn’t mean it’s out of passion.

I’m sure you’ve heard at least a few of your girlfriends try to brush over the fact that they practically have blackout fights with their boyfriends every night by saying it’s just because they love each other so much. The last time I checked, the definition of love didn’t include screaming and name-calling. Arguments and disagreements happen in all relationships, but there’s a difference between it happening once in a blue moon and every single night.

You can’t parallel fictional relationships with real-life situations.

Movies are created for entertainment. The relationships between characters in fictional stories are always emphasized and exaggerated because it excites people and keeps them engaged. Just because you see a couple relentlessly fighting in a movie or TV show, that doesn’t justify a partner who does nothing but picks fights with you or get angry over the tiniest things. Do you really want to be dealing with that for the rest of your life? Also, if you’re starting fights because you think it’s exciting or you enjoy the drama, you’re not in the relationship for the right reasons and you need to reevaluate.

Fighting is so exhausting. 

I don’t know about you, but 2020 has me tired enough! I don’t need to come home after a long day at work and have to battle it out with the person who is supposed to be my safe haven. Talk about exhausting! Let’s just cuddle on the couch and tell each other how amazing we both are. That’s how I want to end my days!

It can take a toll on your mental health. 

Being in a relationship that’s full of arguments and tension can seriously wreak havoc on your mental well-being. There are definitely better ways to express your emotions to your partner without it turning into something straight out of reality TV. While those shows might be guilty pleasures to watch, actually living them every day of your life? No thanks. Always having to fight it out about something even if it’s only once a week or every month or so could cause you to start having feelings of resentment, inadequacy, or even depression. Be adults and handle issues maturely.

If your partner is usually the instigator, they may be toxic. 

Look back at the typical fights you have with your partner. Who usually starts them? What causes them? If your guy is the one who’s constantly looking to argue and criticize you for whatever reason, it might be time to take a step back and look at your relationship in detail. He just might be someone who’s toxic or judgmental, both of which are qualities you don’t need to put up with.

If you’re usually the instigator, do some soul searching.

Do you actually want to be in this relationship? Oftentimes, we sabotage ourselves when we’re afraid or unsure of something. You might be subconsciously trying to drive him away because you don’t see a future with him but you don’t want to be the one to break things off. If that’s the case, it’s really not fair to either one of you to put yourselves through the stress and turmoil of an unhappy relationship. You have to gather up the courage and be honest with yourself and with your partner.

Don’t try to make excuses for abuse. 

Abuse isn’t always physical – it can be verbal and emotional as well. We all know this but I think it can be easy to make excuses for unacceptable behavior within our own relationships, especially when there are feelings of love attached to the person. If your partner is making you feel degraded, unworthy, or constantly criticizing you to the point where you’re just generally unhappy, that is abuse and it is not okay.

The right person for you will show you what’s okay and what’s not. 

Like I said before, fighting is normal. It’s going to happen at some point in even the greatest love stories. The right guy for you will never make you feel depressed, resentful, or scared when the two of you disagree. He’ll speak to you out of love and respect and make sure your feelings are heard. There is a healthy way to argue and once you experience it with the right partner, everything else will be so clear and you’ll know that you were right to walk away from a relationship that wasn’t bringing out the best in you and your partner.

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