Are You Wearing Loneliness Goggles?

When you’ve been single for a while, it’s inevitable that loneliness will creep in every now and again. That’s when dating gets tricky. Much like drunk goggles, which skew your ability to see a guy for who he really is while under the influence, loneliness goggles are a driving factor for settling for the wrong guy. Here’s how to tell if you’re wearing them and aren’t making the greatest choices in love because of it:

  1. You’ll date anyone who asks. There’s a huge difference between being a woman who dates a lot and a woman who will date anyone that asks just because you’re lonely. If you find yourself saying yes to every guy that shows you a bit of attention, there’s a good chance that your loneliness has caused you to lower your standards and forget everything it is that you want and need in a man.
  2. You do things you wouldn’t normally do to impress a man. Maybe you’re not the type of woman to send nudes or scandalous photos to a guy, but this particular guy you’re slightly interested in has asked for them on multiple occasions. Instead of digging in your heels and being true to yourself, the loneliness you feel causes you to think, “Why not? It’s harmless” and so you go ahead and do it anyway. You allow the whole idea that he’ll like you more if you do things you normally would rule out. Big mistake.
  3. You find yourself in denial. If you have to constantly tell yourself that you’re not lonely and that dating every single guy that likes you is for the fun of it, you’re in denial. Everyone has standards they want their future partner to meet and you’re no different, but when the solitude gets to you a little bit too much, telling yourself that it isn’t is a massive indicator that you’re wearing those loneliness goggles.
  4. Your right swipe is on point. Dating sites can be fun and pass the time, but if you’re on every single app and site and are swiping right to everyone, girl, you’re lonely. Not every guy you see is going to have something to offer you, and if you weren’t letting your loneliness drive you, you would never forget that.
  5. You blatantly ignore the red flags. When you do finally date a guy who seems great, the red flags he gives off go unrecognized. You start making excuses for the guy’s crappy behavior because you don’t want to believe that you have to go through the whole process again just to find someone. You want anyone and you want him now, even if he’s a player.
  6. You find yourself sacrificing your morals. This could be anything from sleeping with a guy on the first date to lying completely about what you want so that the guy doesn’t get scared and run away. The right guy will never be spooked if you stick to your moral compass, and it will keep you on the right path if you do. Still, when those loneliness goggles are on, it’s hard to see the arrow pointing due north.
  7. You forget how wonderful you are. Instead of asking yourself what these guys bring to the table, you’re constantly picking yourself apart and wondering what it is that’s wrong with you that you haven’t found the love of your life yet. You lose sight of how kickass you really are because you’re too focused on proving your worth to a guy who, let’s be honest, probably isn’t even worth your time.
  8. You start confusing sex with love. There’s nothing wrong with getting your rocks off every now and again, but if you find yourself seeing every single hookup as potential relationship material, there’s a decent chance that you’re basing your feelings off of loneliness. Not all sex is love, and if you weren’t so hungry for a connection, it wouldn’t be hard to differentiate the two.
  9. You’ve thrown your partner list right out the window. Everyone has a hypothetical list of attributes that they hope their future partner have based on what you’re looking for in a relationship. If you usually look for a sensitive, quiet gentleman but now find yourself dating the loud obnoxious bro, you know for sure that it’s not just because this particular guy had something special.
  10. You cry after dates. This is for those who’ve had their loneliness goggles fused to their face for quite some time. If you go out and have a good time with a different guy every week but still find yourself crying yourself to sleep, it’s a good time to reassess what type of person you’re looking for and why you haven’t yet found them.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.