There are plenty of reasons to hold off on having sex with someone, whether it’s because of your personal comfort level or your desire to be in a committed relationship with a guy before sleeping with him. It’s not your fault if he takes it personally when you make him wait, but he’s still guaranteed to be thinking these things.
- “She doesn’t like me.” A lot of guys equate having a crush on someone with wanting to have sex with them, so if you’re holding off on sleeping with a guy, he may think you’re just not interested in him at all. Even if you’re spending lots of time together and have done everything but sex, he may have some serious anxiety over your interest in him until the deed is done.
- “I’m not hot enough for her.” Men get self-conscious too, and if the guy you’re seeing isn’t feeling great about his own body, he might very well assume that the reason you haven’t slept with him yet is because he doesn’t meet your physical standards. Is it his love handles? His hairy arms? That one mole on his back that you haven’t even seen yet? You may not even notice or care about these features, but they could be what his mind is jumping to when you turn him down.
- “Is she sleeping with someone else?” The guy you’re seeing may or may not be the only guy you’re seeing, but he may wonder about it himself if you haven’t gotten naked with him yet. A lot of men are very competitive in the dating game, so just because he isn’t getting any from you doesn’t mean he’s going to assume no one else is either.
- “What could I do to change her mind?” Take you to nicer restaurants? Clean his bathroom better? Wear nicer cologne? What will it take? His brain may be going nuts thinking of ways he could convince you to move things along quicker. Of course, none of his theories may be right—you may just need some more time to get comfortable and trust him before doing the deed. That’s not going to stop him from trying to figure out a shortcut anyway.
- “Is she worth waiting for?” There’s no right or wrong timeframe to decide to sleep with someone, but just as you’re within your right to wait as long as you need in order to have sex with a guy, he’s also within his right to break things off with you if he decides he doesn’t want to keep waiting. There are plenty of guys out there who are perfectly content to wait as long as necessary for the right woman — just be aware that this question will probably cross his mind at some point before you sleep together.
- “Did I do something wrong?” Again, just because you know there’s nothing specific about this guy that’s making you wait to sleep with him doesn’t mean he knows that. He may be analyzing every interaction the two of you have had, wondering if his joke about talking muffins completely turned you off or if you’ve tacked on another week of celibacy because he didn’t text back quickly enough. Communicating your reasoning can save both of you a lot of stress and anxiety before you get busy with each other.
- “What if she never wants to sleep with me?” If a vague timeline hasn’t been established (even something like “when we’re officially in a relationship,” whenever that may be), the guy you’re seeing might wonder if sex between you two is just never going to happen. If he just wants something casual, this alone might be enough to convince him to bail. If he sees the potential for a future with you, though, he’ll hopefully communicate these concerns with you so you can put his worries to rest.
- “Does she like someone else more?” You know how it is—when you’re really into one person, you don’t really see anyone else as being attractive. Certainly, the desire to sleep with other people tends to decrease or disappear when one person is always on your mind. Even if that’s not the case here, your guy might assume that it is if you’re holding off on having sex with him.
- “How long will it take for her to want to sleep with me?” A lot of men are problem-solvers, so they like deadlines for their goals… and that includes goals within their relationships and sex lives. Even if the guy you’re dating is fine with waiting a while, he’s probably at least wondering when you’ll be ready to have sex with him. And hey, as long as he’s not pressuring you into speeding things along, this is a perfectly fine question for him to ask himself and you.
- “Should I move on?” Sex is an important part of most romantic relationships. If you want to wait to sleep with a guy, but he has a super high sex drive, you two might just be sexually incompatible. It may not be the outcome either of you want but he isn’t wrong for questioning if dating you would really make him happy or if he’d be better matched with someone who wanted to have sex with him a bit earlier on.
