Friendships are the soul fuel that keep life interesting, meaningful, and way more fun. But lasting friendships—those rare gems that stick around through job changes, bad haircuts, and questionable life choices—don’t just happen by accident. They have a few key ingredients that set them apart from the fleeting connections that fizzle out. If you want to strengthen your friendships and ensure they stand the test of time, these are the qualities you’ll want to cultivate. Let’s break it down and, more importantly, level it up.
1. They Make Mutual Effort Non-Negotiable
Ever noticed how the best friendships aren’t one-sided? Kirsty Maynor emphasizes that “celebrating our successes in life – whether that’s landing the dream job, reaching our goal weight or running a half marathon – helps us to feel more energised, and provides us with the drive and motivation we need to keep working towards bigger goals.” Both people need to check in, make plans, and be present when life gets rough.
Want to elevate yours? Start by doing a friendship audit. If you’re the one always reaching out, take a step back and see if they notice. If you’ve been slacking, send that “Hey, I miss you” text. Strong friendships aren’t about keeping score, but they are about mutual investment. The more you give, the more you get.
2. They Can Handle The Awkward Conversations
Good friendships feel easy, but great friendships can survive the hard talks. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences found that “people who are able to engage in difficult conversations with friends report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and longevity.” That means you can tell your best friend if they hurt your feelings without fearing the friendship will crumble. It also means being open to hearing the tough stuff from them too.
If you’re avoiding conversations because you don’t want to “ruin” the friendship, take that as a sign to lean in. Honesty builds trust, even when it’s uncomfortable. Try framing tough conversations with curiosity instead of accusations. “I noticed you’ve been distant lately, is everything okay?” lands better than “Why are you ignoring me?” True friends can handle the messy moments because they know the friendship is worth it.
3. They Celebrate Each Other’s Wins
Ever told a friend some good news and felt their energy drop? That’s not a great sign. Research from the National Institutes of Health suggests that “celebrating a friend’s successes can be as important for relationship well-being as providing support during difficult times.” A true friend won’t just tolerate your wins; they’ll celebrate them like they’re their own. If they’re constantly competing or downplaying your achievements, it might be time to reevaluate.
If you want to strengthen your friendships, be the hype person you wish you had. Send the “OMG I’m so proud of you” text. Show up to their big moments, whether it’s a work promotion, a marathon finish, or a creative project they poured their heart into. Joy multiplies when shared, and friendships that thrive on mutual support are the ones that last.
4. They Make An Effort To Understand Each Other
Great friendships aren’t just about having fun together; they’re about feeling deeply understood. The American Psychological Association notes that “deep understanding between friends is fostered through active listening and genuine curiosity about each other’s lives and experiences.” Life gets busy, but the strongest connections are built on consistent curiosity—checking in, remembering small details, and making space for deep conversations.
Want to take yours to the next level? Stop assuming you already know everything about your friends. Ask about their new obsessions, their current struggles, and the things they don’t talk about often. Don’t just talk—listen. When people feel seen and valued, they stick around.
5. They Respect Each Other’s Boundaries
A friendship without boundaries is like a road trip without gas—you won’t get very far. According to a study in the Journal of Positive Psychology, “respecting personal boundaries in friendships is associated with higher levels of trust and overall relationship satisfaction.” That means understanding when someone needs space, isn’t up for late-night calls, or has different comfort levels with certain topics. Friendship isn’t about unlimited access; it’s about mutual respect.
If you want to deepen your friendships, communicate your boundaries with kindness. And just as important, respect the ones your friends set. A friendship that honors personal space, emotional needs, and individual differences is built to last.
6. They Make Laughter Their Love Language
The best friendships feel like an inside joke that never gets old. If you and your closest friend can burst into laughter over something ridiculously small, that’s a good sign. Humor strengthens bonds because it creates positive shared experiences. Even in tough times, a friend who can make you laugh through the chaos is a gift.
Want to amplify this? Make laughter a priority. Watch ridiculous movies together, send each other funny memes, or reminisce about hilarious past moments. Joy is glue in friendships, and when things get hard, it helps hold everything together.
7. They Always Show Up Even When It’s Inconvenient
It’s easy to be there for a friend when it’s convenient. But the real test? Showing up when it’s not. The strongest friendships are built on the moments when someone pushes past their own plans to be there when it really matters.
Be the friend who drops off soup when they’re sick, listens when they’re overwhelmed, or simply sends a “thinking of you” text during tough times. Small actions carry big weight, and when you show up consistently, friendships deepen in ways that last.
8. They Accept Each Other Flaws And All
A true friend isn’t just there for the highlight reel—they stick around for the messy parts too. They don’t flinch at your bad decisions, your awkward moments, or your not-so-great days. Acceptance is what separates acquaintances from lifelong friends.
Want to build this kind of bond? Drop the performative perfection. Let your friends see the real, unfiltered version of you. Vulnerability breeds closeness, and the friendships that last are the ones where both people feel safe being exactly who they are.
9. They Grow Together
People change, and friendships need to evolve with them. The ones that last aren’t the ones that resist change, but the ones that embrace it. Maybe you have different interests now, or your life paths are diverging. That doesn’t mean the friendship has to end—it just means it has to adapt.
Check in with your friends about how your relationship is shifting. Find new ways to connect, even if your lifestyles look different. Growth doesn’t have to mean growing apart; it can mean growing together in new ways.
10. They Make Time, Not Excuses
Friendship isn’t about having time; it’s about making it. If someone is always “too busy,” what they’re really saying is that your friendship isn’t a priority. It sounds harsh, but effort speaks louder than words.
If you want to strengthen a friendship, be intentional about making time. Even a five-minute voice note, a quick coffee, or a check-in text can keep the connection strong. The friendships that last aren’t about grand gestures—they’re about consistent effort.
11. They Accept Friendship Can Change Shape
A real friend doesn’t just root for you when you’re staying the same—they cheer you on when you evolve, even if it means things change. Growth can be intimidating in friendships because it often disrupts familiar dynamics. Maybe you’re leveling up in your career, setting new boundaries, or stepping into a version of yourself they haven’t seen before. The best friends don’t hold you back out of fear; they push you forward with pride. They want to see you win, even if it means the friendship has to adjust to new rhythms.
To elevate your friendships, be the kind of person who embraces change, not resists it. Ask your friends about their goals, encourage their progress, and remind them that you’re in their corner. It’s easy to support someone when they’re staying in a comfortable place, but real friendship is tested when growth enters the picture. If a friend is evolving, don’t see it as a threat—see it as an opportunity to grow alongside them. Change is inevitable, but strong friendships adapt, not dissolve.
12. They Apologize Without Defensiveness
No friendship is perfect, and at some point, even the best of friends will hurt each other. What separates lasting friendships from fragile ones is the ability to own up to mistakes without making excuses. A real apology doesn’t come with a “but” attached—it acknowledges the hurt, takes responsibility, and focuses on making things right. Defensiveness shuts down connection, while genuine accountability strengthens it. If your friend tells you that something you did hurt them, the best response is to listen, not justify.
If you want to deepen your friendships, practice the art of the real apology. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry if you felt that way,” try “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’ll do better.” True friends don’t avoid accountability because they know the friendship is bigger than their ego. And on the flip side, if a friend apologizes to you, let them. Holding grudges over small mistakes weakens friendships, but mutual forgiveness keeps them strong.
13. They Don’t Just Listen—They Ask Questions
There’s a big difference between waiting for your turn to talk and genuinely hearing someone. Great friendships thrive on active listening—paying attention, asking follow-up questions, and remembering the little details. If your friend tells you about something that’s important to them, and you never bring it up again, that’s a missed opportunity for deeper connection. People feel valued when they realize you not only heard their words but held onto them.
If you want to elevate your friendships, practice intentional listening. The next time a friend shares something personal, bring it up later in a thoughtful way. A simple “Hey, how did that big presentation go?” or “You mentioned you were feeling off last week, how are you now?” makes a world of difference. Friendships deepen when people feel truly seen, and one of the best ways to show you care is by proving you were paying attention.
14. They Allow Each Other To Be Their Messy, Unfiltered Self
In surface-level friendships, there’s an unspoken pressure to always be “on”—to be fun, interesting, and emotionally stable at all times. But in real, lasting friendships, that pressure doesn’t exist. You can show up exhausted, anxious, or completely falling apart, and your friend won’t judge you for it. There’s something deeply healing about having a person who sees your messiest, least curated version and loves you anyway. The best friendships offer a safe space where you don’t have to perform, pretend, or prove your worth.
To strengthen your friendships, create space for emotional honesty. Let your friends know that they don’t always have to be “fine” around you. If they seem off, ask how they’re really doing—and be prepared to hold space for the real answer. And when you’re struggling, don’t hide it. Vulnerability deepens connections, and the friendships that last are the ones where both people feel safe being exactly who they are, no matter what.
15. They Consider The Friendship Sacred
The best friendships feel like a place you can always return to. No matter how much time passes, no matter how much life changes, there’s an unshakable sense of belonging. These are the friendships that don’t require constant maintenance to survive—they just do, because the foundation is built on something real. Whether it’s a childhood best friend, a college roommate, or someone you met in your adult years, the most lasting friendships are the ones that feel like home.
To nurture this kind of friendship, focus on creating a sense of emotional safety. Be the friend who makes people feel comfortable, accepted, and at ease. Don’t take long gaps personally; instead, pick up right where you left off. Celebrate your shared history while still making space for growth. The friendships that last aren’t the ones that require constant upkeep—they’re the ones built on a bond that doesn’t fade, no matter how much time passes.
