What Being A Long-Term Virgin Taught Me About Dating, Love & Sex

What Being A Long-Term Virgin Taught Me About Dating, Love & Sex ©iStock/PeopleImages

I waited a lot longer than everyone else to give it up. I wasn’t waiting for marriage or “The One,” I just didn’t get what all of the hype was about and why everyone was so obsessed with getting laid. I don’t think my choice to avoid sex really hampered my dating life, and sure some guys didn’t want to see me again after finding out they weren’t going to get any anytime soon, but those guys weren’t worth my time, anyway. I learned a lot of lessons from that period of my life, and I’m not sorry I waited. Here’s why:

  1. I was able to see through the BS really quickly. Every guy thinks he’ll be the one to break you and convince you to finally give in. They all basically use the same tactics and lines, and I learned a lot about how to read male intentions.
  2. I didn’t get used. If you aren’t having sex, you cant really be used for it. I did have my fair share of douchebags, of course, but I weeded out a lot of them pretty quickly.
  3. I learned how to keep my self-worth intact. When you aren’t letting guys use you, you feel really empowered. The guys who didn’t want to hang out with me because they knew I didn’t have sex didn’t bother me. It was their loss, really.
  4. I was in control. It is kind of fun to know that you control something that guys want so badly. I didn’t ever use it as a punishment or as a carrot, but I did recognize that guys who were actually serious about me went the extra mile to try to get to the finish line.
  5. I didn’t feel like I lost myself when things ended. I don’t know why not having sex makes it easier, but there’s a certain difference between the relationships I had when I wasn’t and the ones I’ve had since I started. It was much easier to leave the ones where sex was not an issue.
  6. I didn’t have to worry about the added stress sex adds to a relationship. Sex causes stress. It makes things complicated. If there isn’t enough of it, there is a problem; if there’s too much, there’s also a problem. We also have to worry about pregnancy, STDs, etc.
  7. I didn’t associate sex with love. When you find love without sex, you learn that they’re not the same thing. That was a great lesson to learn, and it has served me well ever since.
  8. I was able to handle “friends with benefits” and casual sex a lot better than friends were. Since I had separated feelings from sex a long time ago, when I finally entered the world of the sexually active, I had no issues being the girl who could be FWB or a hook-up without getting crazy.
  9. Sex isn’t a big deal to me. I know that sex is important and in the right relationship it can be amazing, but I’m not hung up on it the way I find other women are. I recognize it for what it is and can handle it when it happens, but also know that it isn’t always the right thing.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314