Being sensitive isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It has its positives and negatives just like everything else, but at the end of the day, we’d rather care too much than not enough (or at all). That being said, that highly emotional side of us can make us love harder than normal. Here’s what dating is like for those of us who are sensitive AF:
It’s likely that we haven’t had many relationships because we push people away. Us sensitive souls are terrified of letting people in, and will spend years self-sabotaging relationships so that we don’t have to. We push and prod away at people as a way of testing them because we need to see who’s going to stick it out for the long haul and who’s going to sprint at the first sign of trouble. It’s our fail-safe way of protecting ourselves. Of course, in doing that, we deny ourselves the possibility of love and end up hurting far more than if we’d been brave enough to put our hearts on the line.
Fancy dates don’t impress us. Flowers, chocolates, and weekend getaways to Paris are great and highly appreciated, but in our books, a truly memorable date all comes down to the person we’re on it with. The right man doesn’t need to flash the cash to impress us – he just needs to be genuine, kind, and thoughtful. The way to our hearts is through honesty and integrity – the nice guy will never seem boring to us.
We get super upset by criticism, no matter how constructive. Even if it’s clearly coming from a place of love, we can’t handle it. We immediately go on the defensive and can’t believe that the one person who should be cheering us on is actually trying to pick us apart. We expect this behavior from strangers and acquaintances, but not our boyfriends. Guys we end up dating quickly realize that they should be choosing their words carefully.
We pay close attention to our partners’ interests, desires, and needs. We notice tiny details and remember them pretty much the rest of our lives, even long after we’ve broken up. Their favourite chocolate bar, favorite book, or favorite place – everything they’ve ever told us gets stored away in our brains somewhere to be remembered at a later date. It’s like a test we didn’t even know we were studying for. We’re also highly intuitive and likely to pick up on subtle clues that most people won’t see. If our partner is hurting, it’s likely that we’ll know, and seeing them upset will hurt us too.
When we do something wrong, it bothers us for a long time afterwards. We struggle to let things go and we always have. We can’t understand how those around us brush things off and forget so quickly. We’re like elephants – we never forget, even when we’d really like to. We know better than anyone the pain we feel when a loved one’s actions end up hurting us, so when we think about our own actions hurting them, it’s too much to even think about.
We struggle with conflict. We hate causing arguments, but at the same time, we believe in standing up for what we think is right. There’s a constant battle going on inside of us – do we keep the peace or do we stick to our principles? Often it’ll be a snap heads or tails decision that we make impulsively in our heads. We don’t like conflict, but we end up with more than our fair share of it, it seems.
We worry so damn much. About anything and everything. We worry about that dog on the animal shelter commercial this morning and the homeless guy we passed in the street last week. We worry that our partners will get sick of all our feelings. We worry about getting hurt in our relationships, even when things are great. We worry that we’ve allowed ourselves to need someone. It’s a never-ending cycle.
We try to hold things in, but our feelings always seep out. We’re scared of being vulnerable so we bottle everything up, but the thing about stock-piling feelings is that there’s only so many we can fit in that bottle before it overflows. The emotions we repress will always find their way out of us. It might be when we’re drunk or we’re watching something particularly sad on TV — we can’t help but show what we’re feeling eventually.
We need alone time to process all our feelings. Sensitive people aren’t necessarily introverted, but we do need time to ourselves where we can reflect and re-charge. Sometimes we won’t want to talk to anyone, even the people we love and care for most. Our space is sacred to us. Even when we’re living with our partners, we need a space in the house that you call our own – somewhere we can retreat to when we’re in need of clearing our headspace.
We’re usually the ones in the relationship who love more. No one experiences love quite like we do. It’s passionate and intense and a bit of a whirlwind – but we know no other way. Unless our partners are equally as sensitive as we are, it’s likely that we’re the ones who will love more, even if we both care deeply for one another. We love with the entirety of our hearts and souls. We give ourselves completely to our partners and we can’t figure out why everyone else doesn’t do the same in return.
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