What To Do When You’re Bored In Your Relationship But Don’t Want To Break Up

When you’re in a long-term relationship, one of the biggest fears is losing that spark. While things are more peaceful after the honeymoon phase, things getting boring is often the beginning of the end unless you do something about it. This is what to do when you’re bored in a relationship without breaking up.

Why do you get bored in a relationship?

  1. The honeymoon phase is over. Life after things get comfortable makes or breaks a relationship. A lot of young couples break up after the honeymoon phase is over because the relationship no longer feels electrifying. If you’re new to dating, you might interpret this as falling out of love and getting bored. This is actually a time for building a deeper, more sustainable bond. The honeymoon phase seems to last an average of six months, but it’s not impossible to feel love stick for two years. After this point, things feel much calmer, and love is more like a choice you make together.
  2. You’ve settled into a routine. Some people thrive with rigid routines, and there’s nothing wrong with that if it works! When it comes to romance, having a strict routine means your partner starts to blend in with the furniture. It’s easy to feel bored when you’re doing the same things day in and day out.
  3. There’s nothing new to learn. Once you’ve been together for a long time, there’s nothing new to learn about your partner. You know their life story, their interests, what they do for a living, etc.
  4. You started taking each other for granted. It’s very easy to get too comfortable in a relationship. If you’ve been together for what feels like forever, you might notice you put less effort into impressing each other since you know they already love you. Having that level of comfort with one another is amazing, but putting no effort into showing appreciation for one another gets boring.
  5. You don’t have time to be a couple. If you both have hectic jobs or kids, then you don’t actually have time to behave like a couple. Eventually, you just feel like roommates or co-parents. It’s good that you’re not so infatuated with each other that you can’t function, but on the flip side, when life gets in the way of romance, things start to feel stale.

What to do when you’re bored in your relationship

  1. Remember that this is normal. It’s pretty common to feel bored in a stable relationship. So, don’t beat yourselves up if you’re wondering what to do when you’re bored in your relationship. Be honest about how you feel. There’s nothing wrong with couples therapy if you’re really struggling to get back on track.
  2. Find a new hobby together. One way to breathe more life into the relationship is to find a new hobby to bond over. This gives you something new to talk about. You can take up running, learn an instrument, or even just watch a new show together.
  3. Change your routines. Start being more spontaneous. Surprise your partner with tickets to a movie, or decide you’re going to drive somewhere new every weekend rather than staying in with a movie.
  4. Have more date nights. Date nights don’t have to be extravagant or expensive. Coming home to a candle-lit dinner and a bottle of wine is still romantic. Once you’ve been in a relationship for a while, your partner starts to feel more like a friend, so it’s vital to remind each other that you’re a couple.
  5. Find something to look forward to. Life feels really boring with nothing to look forward to. So, you need to make things to look forward to. Buy tickets to see a band you like together, or decide you’ll go on vacation or a weekend away next summer.
  6. Try something new in the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with being vanilla, but if your sex life is just yet another routine or is barely existent, it doesn’t feel intimate anymore. Now is the time to try new things.
  7. Don’t be afraid to roleplay. Sometimes relationships feel boring because you know you’ll never experience the excitement of meeting someone new again. You can find ways to combat this feeling. While no one has any intentions of leaving or cheating, some long-time couples spice up their relationships by role-playing different characters in the bedroom.
  8. Remember what brought you together. If you’ve been together for a long time, it’s easy to forget why you fell for each other in the first place. Sit down and reminisce about the early days and share all the reasons you love your partner.
  9. Change the scenery. If you can’t change your routine too much, changing the scenery might breathe life into your relationship. Maybe it’s time to revamp the apartment or get a new look. Either way, you’ll both feel refreshed and like it’s a new beginning.
  10. Find some independence. You don’t need to take a break from the relationship or each other; you just need to find things to do without your partner – especially if you do everything together. This could be a girl’s trip, solo holiday, or weekend retreat. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you get home, you’ll have a new appreciation for your partner now that you’ve had time to miss them.
  11. Be more affectionate. If you have a lot going on in your lives, some of the advice on what to do if you’re bored in a relationship like booking a vacation or regular date nights might not be feasible. Instead, do little things to show your partner love, like giving them more compliments or picking up chocolates every now and then when you’re grocery shopping. Once you remind each other that you’re in a relationship and aren’t just roommates or parents, you’ll feel a spark again.
Aisling is a 20-something year old Irish writer who is the life and relationship guru of her social circle. She loves music, movies, and coffee.