What To Do If Your Boyfriend Never Takes You Out But Constantly Goes Out With His Friends

Your boyfriend asked if you wanted to go out for an ultra-rare date night and you said yes. After you planned the perfect romantic outfit to wear, he told you that you’ll be hanging with his friends that night – again. If that’s not bad enough, lately it feels like he never has as much time with you because he’s always spending his precious time with them. What should you do? Here are some things to consider.

  1. Don’t overthink too much. You might immediately worry that your boyfriend is spending so much time with his friends because he’s not that into you, but unless this has happened overnight then it’s really nothing to worry about too much. He might just need to get the balancing act right when it comes to having you and his friends in his life, especially if you guys recently got together. It’s no big deal.
  2. Give him space. One of the first things you should do when your boyfriend keeps sidelining you for his friends is to give him a bit of leeway. Let him know you want to see him or you’re thinking of him but then let him do what he needs to do. He should put you into his schedule without you having to do or say anything.
  3. Go on and do you. A bit of space is good for you too in the relationship, so don’t be afraid to do your own thing. Hang out with your friends and enjoy having some independence. Just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that all your free time should go to your boyfriend, after all.
  4. Try to get in on the fun. You want to spend time with your boyfriend and he tells you he can’t see you because he’s doing something with his friends. It sucks to have this happen, but try to see if you can hang out with them. This might feel weird to do, but it’s not actually a clingy move. It’s smart because it will enable you to see if your boyfriend actually wants to invite you and hang out with you, and have you spend time with his friends, or if he’s trying to block you from having any access to his life and social circle. So yeah, it’s a bad sign if he says you can’t go.
  5. Plan a romantic evening. Maybe the guy’s just not great at planning dates. Okay, it’s a long shot, but this is something worth trying: plan a romantic evening where you can both be alone and invite him out. Let him know that it’s just the two of you so that he knows it’s not a BYOF – Bring Your Own Friends – setup. If the date goes well and he’s really keen on it, it’s the perfect opportunity to hint that you’d like to spend more time with him alone.
  6. Is it time to check in? Okay, so if it’s been weeks of this and he’s still always making his friends a priority, it’s good to check in. Ask him how he feels about the relationship, preferably when you two get a bit of time alone together in a quiet place. This will open up the conversation much better than if you immediately confront him about not having time for you.
  7. Ask him if he wants a relationship. It’s worth asking him if he even wants a relationship and what kind. Maybe you thought you were getting the exclusive deal but he was actually hoping for the casual package. You might’ve got your wires crossed, so talk to him about what he’s really looking for. Honestly, a guy who’s serious about dating you isn’t going to push you aside in favor of his friends or make you feel that you’re not number one in his life.
  8. Consider that he’s fading you out. If he was keen on being with you early on in the relationship and now he’s never got real time for you, that could be a huge sign that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. He’s slowly fading you out, only instead of saying he’s busy with work, he’s telling you he’s busy with his friends. It’s pretty much the same thing.
  9. Don’t be a convenient girlfriend. If you’ve tried loads of things to try to get more time alone with this guy but you’d have better luck scoring one-on-one bonding with Ryan Gosling, stop trying so hard. It’s just not happening so it’s not worth your time and energy. The best thing you can do is let him enjoy his friends and move on.
  10. Find someone who wants you. You should be with someone who really feels that they want to be with you. While it’s normal and healthy for people in relationships to spend time with their friends, it’s not right if you’re being sidelined because he’s always with his friends or if he never invites you out to one-on-one dates. Honestly, you can do better.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.