It’s ideal to have a boyfriend who gets along well with your friends, but sometimes you end up with a guy who takes it a little too far. Here’s what to do if he seems to be too flirty with your best girlfriends.
- Make sure it’s not making your friends uncomfortable. Step one is always looking out for your ladies. Too many men have been creeps to them before in the past, so accidentally bringing one into the group is just awkward for everyone. Make sure they aren’t offended by the things he says or the way he acts. If they are, you may want to consider cutting this guy loose. He might be good with everything else, but making women uncomfortable is a hard trait to get past. If they’re cool with it, at least you know the problem might lie with you.
- Figure out if it’s making you jealous. Jealousy creeps up at the strangest time. You could have been totally secure in your relationship until one flirty comment made you doubt everything. Not all guys are up to no good. If it’s cool with your friends, make sure you’re not blowing it up into something it’s not based on a little insecurity. It’s OK to feel like that at times — you’re only human.
- Make sure his stories match up. If his flirtiness is attached to the fact that he’s been working late nights or coming home at 2 am on weekends, you have more reason to be concerned. It shows he has no problem flirting with other women and he goes out, he can likely appear to be single. If he’s been honest and trustworthy this whole time, it might just be a friendly part of his personality.
- Sit down and talk to him about it. Communication is the only way to actually solve the issue if you don’t want it happening again. Have a couple of examples, since it might be something he doesn’t even know he’s doing. Don’t come at him in an accusatory way unless you have proof that he’s been unfaithful or creeping your friends out.
- Don’t tie it onto another fight. If you’re mad at him for forgetting to pay a big bill on time, don’t attach “and I hate how you’ve been flirting with my friends!” onto that. That’s not fair, especially if he has no idea, and you’ll end up getting more upset than ever. Again, some people are just naturally flirty and mean nothing by it. Keep those conversations separate.
- See if he’s been guarding his phone a lot. Guys have plenty of reasons to be suspicious with their phones, but it’s possible he’s hiding an intimate conversation with someone you thought was a friend. It’s a sad scenario to think about and obviously the worst, but it still happens more often than you think. It could be that by flirting, he was testing the waters to see if any of your friends would be willing to betray you. Suddenly needing a lot more privacy is an indicator that something big may be going on.
- Figure out if this is a new behavior. If it’s something he’s done all along, it’s probably part of his personality. If it’s new, it’s possible he could be getting bored in the relationship. This could easily lead to him cheating if it doesn’t get immediately noticed and dealt with. Sometimes relationships just get a little dull. If he can’t handle that, he might not be ready for a long-term commitment.
- If he ever takes it too far, call him out on it. It’s one thing for him to tell your BFF that her new dress looks great; it’s another to say that and then make a comment about the things he’d do if he wasn’t already taken. Any talk of sex or sexual acts with your friends is a big red flag. Obviously, your guy has a huge issue with boundaries that needs to be sorted out. If he makes comments like this, it’s totally OK to break up with him over it and re-evaluate your friendships.
- Don’t let him tell you that you “shouldn’t be concerned about it.” Maybe these little comments are seriously getting to you, but when you try to communicate with him, he tells you that you’re overreacting. Unless you’re literally screaming so loud and making a public scene about it, he’s probably wrong. You have all right to feel the way you do about it, even if his words were innocent. No guy should silence your thoughts and emotions. If he refuses to listen, this won’t be the only issue the two of you will have.