What Do You Do When You Want Intimacy More Than He Does?

What Do You Do When You Want Intimacy More Than He Does? ©iStock/franckreporter

For some reason, we all assume that men are made to want intimacy more often than women do. Of course, that’s far from the truth. Every individual is different, which is why there are plenty of relationships where the woman has a higher drive than the man. If that’s true for you, then there’s no need to feel like a freak of nature, because your situation is completely normal—and lucky for you, there are plenty of things you can do about it.

  1. Get yourself there. You don’t need a man in order to do that. If you’re feeling frisky, but your man isn’t in the mood, then you can use your own two hands (or toys) to get the job done yourself. It’s the simplest solution.
  2. Help him relax before bed. The more stressed out your man is, the less likely he is to sleep with you. If you help him out after a long day by doing his laundry or making him dinner, then he’ll feel more relaxed. That means there’s a much higher chance that he’ll agree to some intimacy once you two slip into bed together.
  3. Come to a compromise. There’s more to intimacy than stripping off your clothes and touching your bits. If he doesn’t want to engage in this, you can compromise by dirty talking or sending each other naughty pictures. Plus, there’s always going downtown.
  4. Talk to him about the issue. When you have a problem in your relationship, you should talk to your man about it, even if it’s embarrassing. He might not even realize that the lack of intimacy has been a problem for you. Once you tell him how you’re feeling, he might start to initiate it more often, and then you’ll both be happy.
  5. Schedule it every week. Intimacy is much more enjoyable when it’s spontaneous. However, if you haven’t been having nearly enough lately, you can create a schedule for it. That way, you’ll at least do the deed a certain amount of times each week. It’s a start.
  6. Buy some new lingerie. Us ladies are lucky, because it’s easy for us to seduce our men. If you want to get him hot and bothered, buy a skimpy piece of lingerie, or invite him to have intimacy with you in your office. Doing something fun and fresh should get him going again.
  7. Distract yourself with a hobby. When you’re single and frustrated, you don’t spend the entire day touching yourself. You can’t spend the entire day having it, either, so if you’re expecting too much from your man, you might want to pick up a new hobby. Having something fun to focus on will distract you from your naughty thoughts.
  8. Enjoy other forms of intimacy. If you want to spend quality time with your partner, you don’t have to strip off all of your clothes. You can cuddle with him, go for a walk while holding hands, or just watch Netflix together. It isn’t the only thing that’ll make you happy, so feel free to try other activities.
  9. Don’t take it personally. Women don’t expect men to turn down them down, which is why it can lower your self-esteem when your partner tells you he’s not in the mood. However, you shouldn’t take his rejection personally. It doesn’t mean he no longer finds you attractive. You just caught him at a bad time.
  10. See a couple’s counselor. If your mismatched drives are causing a major problem in your relationship, then you should find a couple’s counselor that you can visit. It’s not embarrassing to ask a professional for help. They know what they’re talking about, so if anyone can solve the problem, it’s them.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.