What Emotional Attraction Is And Why Relationships Are Impossible Without It

When you meet someone, you might first notice that there’s amazing chemistry between you, and that’s probably what makes you want to see them for a second date. However, you should also be looking for emotional attraction because your relationship will never be able to grow or survive without it. Here’s what it is and why it’s so important.

  1. How is this any different than straight-up liking someone? Emotional attraction is basically being interested in a person for their thoughts, opinions, values, and what’s inside their heart instead of just their looks. It doesn’t mean you can’t be or aren’t physically attracted to them, but there are some deeper vibes going on there.
  2. Why is it important? If you don’t have an emotional attraction to back up all that physical lust, you’ll only be focused on their external traits and completely miss out on a deeper connection that’s waiting to be explored. When that feeling of wanting to jump each other’s bones inevitably fades, if there’s nothing to back it up, you’re doomed.
  3. You’re not limited by sex. If you want to connect emotionally with someone, you won’t only be interested in having sex and they’ll want more than that from you too. You won’t exhaust your relationship with sexual chemistry; you’ll have a strong foundation on which to build something real.
  4. You make your relationship last longer. A relationship that’s focused on sex can only go so far. By comparison, when there’s a need to explore the person’s deeper traits, such as their values and dreams, you’ll be able to have something more powerful so you can grow.  You’ll be able to bond emotionally, and this means you’ll be more likely to stay with each other for longer.
  5. You increase your relationship satisfaction. Great sex makes you feel good, sure, but if it’s not backed by a powerful emotional connection then it won’t be as great as it can be. As they say, great sex starts outside of the bedroom. Similarly, that emotional connection can help you to have relationship satisfaction when you’re fully clothed. By having emotional attraction, you’ll be able to find other ways to build intimacy, which is so much more important than physical sex.
  6. You’ll be able to communicate. Doesn’t it piss you off when someone’s only compliments to you are that you’re sexy or beautiful? Yup, it gets old really fast. By having an emotional attraction with them, you’ll feel that the person really sees what you’re about and this will help you both to communicate with each other better. For example, right from the start of your relationship, you’ll be interested in talking about your lives and opening up to each other. They’ll see that you’re not just beautiful but smart, ambitious, and kind.
  7. You can rely on your partner. What’s a relationship without a support system? When you feel that you’re with someone who can communicate with you and offers you support when you need it, you’ll be able to relax in the relationship. You won’t worry that they’re going to go AWOL as you would if you were only attracted to each other physically. You also won’t have to worry that they’ll bounce after you have sex.
  8. You feel like they really get you. When you date someone who’s keen on building an emotional bond with you, you’ll feel that he not only sees you but “gets” what you’re about, and you do the same for him. You can be yourself and open up to him, being vulnerable if you want without any fear. It’s an amazing feeling that should come standard in every relationship and it’s such a great foundation for trust.
  9. You don’t get tired of each other. If you’re only with someone because they’re attractive, you’re going to get bored really fast. When you have emotional attraction, your relationship doesn’t become lame or boring. You’ll be able to keep each other intrigued and interested because you’ll always have something to talk about and things in common to share.
  10. You’ll be friends, not just lovers. When you get older and physical attraction becomes less important, you’ll need to be able to laugh together and have fun with your clothes on. By being friends instead of just lovers, this will be possible. What if something happens later in life and you can’t have sex? Without emotional attraction, your relationship is bound to fail. Build something bigger between you.
  11. You think of the relationship future. When you focus on building emotional intimacy with someone, you’ll really be planning ahead for the future. Without it, sadly, you won’t have much of a future because you’ll be running your relationship straight into a dead-end.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.