This Is What Goes Through Your Head When Your Ex Gets Engaged

So you’re scrolling through social media and then you see it. Your ex. You guys tried the whole friendship thing, following each other on social media and giving the occasional like, but you really haven’t talked in ages. But now you see a smiling picture of him and his new woman, holding up a ring. The time had to come eventually, right? But you weren’t prepared for it right this second. Here are ten thoughts that creep into your head when your ex gets engaged:

  1. WTF?! Is this real right now? Am I seeing this correctly? You feel like they just started dating a month ago — how could they already be engaged? You can’t even get it together enough to get a dog; how is he committing to a marriage? Nah, this has to be a joke… right?
  2. Does he win the breakup? During breakups or even years after they happen, it often feels like a competition to see who is doing better and therefore “winning” the split. But let’s get one thing straight: no one wins a breakup. It’s just two people parting ways and going on to live their lives. You’ll both end up on different paths, and that’s okay.
  3. Do I have to go to the wedding? You’re kind of friends, kind of not. You aren’t sure whether or not you’ll be invited to this happy gathering. On one hand, why would his bride want you there? On the other hand, you still run in the same circles, so it might be weird if all your friends were there without you. But do you even want to go? I mean, who wants to go to a ceremony where they used to sleep with the groom? Gross.
  4. I hope she’s getting better sex than I did. Let’s get real: you guys broke up for a reason. Sure, mind-blowing sex can’t be the only thing keeping a relationship together, but it doesn’t hurt. Chances are, you didn’t have the most amazing sex. Or maybe you did in the beginning, and it sort of fizzled out. So let’s just send a little prayer to the bride-to-be and hope she gets more orgasms than you did.
  5. Maybe his mom will be nicer to her than she was to me. You and his mom didn’t exactly get along that well. Maybe it was the difference in age, or maybe she was just stone cold. Either way, you thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to deal with it now. Let’s hope she’s nicer to the next one.
  6. Holy hell, what if that was me? There are an infinite number of ways your life could have panned out had you done even the littlest of things differently. If you had stuck it out or turned down that job in another city, that might’ve been you holding up that ring. The question is, would you be happy if it was?
  7. But thank god it wasn’t. As with everything in this life, it happened for a reason. Your life is the way it is because it was meant to be that way. You should be in a state of constant growth, not wanting to move backward.
  8. I need a close-up of the ring. I mean, you can’t see an engagement photo and not zoom in on the rock, can you? You need a close-up. How else are you supposed to judge his style and taste?
  9. Good luck with that, sister. Everyone has baggage, and you know his a little too well. Would you really want to keep dealing with his mommy issues and fear of emotions? Probably not. So let’s be thankful it’s not your problem anymore. Girl, you can take it from here, good luck!
  10. I’m truly happy for you (and me). In the end, all that matters is that we are all happy, right? If you’re happy and he’s happy then there’s no need for any bad blood between you two. Let’s just kumbaya this crap and move the hell on, shall we?
Piper is a NYC-based writer who loves dogs, iced coffee, and calling people out on their BS.