This Is What Happened When I Tried Dating A Bunch Of Guys At Once

I feel like most guys tend to date multiple women simultaneously, though most of them aren’t necessarily upfront about that with any of them. I decided to give it a try myself, and while it might seem like a good thing to be getting attention from multiple dudes, it’s actually totally soul-draining and definitely not worth it.

  1. It’s hard to keep up. At one point, my roster was way too stacked. I was chatting with four men via text and physically going out with at least one to three a week. That’s not even counting the guys I was chatting up in my dating apps. None of them were serious and many didn’t make it past the first date. It was just really hard to keep up with all the different conversations and what I had shared with someone or not. I found myself having to cover my tracks a few times, which leads us to my next point.
  2. It feels totally disingenuous. The whole thing made me feel gross at times. I felt like I was playing with their emotions, and because I wasn’t really invested in any one of them, it didn’t matter as much when they went away. That could be seen as a plus, but why waste your time with someone and not actually try to form a real connection? There were also several times I thought I was forming meaningful relationships but then was able to completely forget about them when another great guy came along. It was the epitome of relationship ADD.
  3. I had no personal time. Between work, being social, and dating a handful of eligible bachelors, I had no time for myself. We all know how important personal care is, and that was thrown right out the window. Instead, on nights I wasn’t working, I’d go on dates. When I didn’t have a date lined up, I’d go out with friends. It was so bad at one point that when someone invited me to do something, I wouldn’t be able to pencil them in for a week and a half or more.
  4. It’s more exhausting than regular dating. Because I had no time to myself and I had to keep up several almost relationships, I became completely exhausted. I didn’t even have time to be creative and do the things I love. At the time, I didn’t realize how much “alone time” I actually needed. The longer my phase of rotation dating went on, the more and more distracted from the things I love I became.
  5. I had zero time to process my feelings. When one guy went away, there was another one to distract me from the rejection. This isn’t how relationships are supposed to work. It became a cycle of me using men to fill an emotional void that I could have just processed and filled myself if I took the time to recognize it was there.
  6. Rotation dating makes for an erratic life. Because I couldn’t process my emotions and I had no time for myself, my life became a little erratic. Not in a self-destructive way, but in a way that made me incapable of being a good partner to any of the men trying to court me. There’s no way they didn’t notice this, and I’m almost certain as soon as they caught on to the fact that I was emotionally unstable, they hit the ground running. There’s nothing sexier than an emotionally unstable woman, right?
  7. It’s depressing because of more rejection. If you are actively dating, then you know that rejection is just part of the process. Well, when you are actively dating several people, rejection is inevitable and on a much grander scale. Things happen, and in the current dating climate, it’s nearly impossible to get a guy to commit, so when they start to ghost, zombie or breadcrumb, it makes it that much harder when it’s several guys at one time. Needless to say, this wreaked havoc on my self-esteem.
  8. I felt like I was on the fast track to being jaded. Of course, with all that rejection, I started to build up walls. I started matching less and less with people on the apps, and if the guys walked out of my life, I let them. I was at a point where I was truly done with guys and dating. I let them all go away until there was one left, not replacing any of them in the process. My rotation dating phase was coming to an end with nothing to show for it.
  9. I made no real connections. Because I wasn’t being fulfilled in any of these relationships, I wasn’t allowing real connections. This could be why I didn’t feel emotionally safe having sex with any of them. I was in a place where, while I was casually seeing several men, I wasn’t emotionally OK with casually sleeping with them. I’m still not in a place where I want to see someone casually, but I’m definitely not rotating my dates anymore. I’d much rather take it one step with one person at a time, and my life is so much better for it.
  10. Ultimately, it just wasn’t fulfilling. In the end, I didn’t have any more dates, I didn’t have anyone texting me, and I certainly didn’t have a relationship. I wasted so much energy on trying to find someone that I lost myself in the process. Thankfully, I hadn’t slept with any of these men (not that I wouldn’t have minded if I had) but there was something about withholding sex from them that I felt was important. Now that I think about it, it could be the reason many of them went away.