What I Learned About Men From Reading A Men’s Relationship Forum

One day while randomly clicking around the internet, I stumbled upon a forum that many straight college-age and older men use to talk about relationship problems. After reading through the posts for a few days, I’ve learned a lot about how these men think when it comes to dating, sex, and love. Obviously this doesn’t apply to all guys but unfortunately, I think it may apply to a lot of them.

Men look for sex. This probably sounds obvious to you but in case it isn’t, here’s your first newsflash: some men are always looking for sex. They may find love as well, but they were initially looking to get laid. Most men on the forum make dating profiles, go out on first dates, and message women with one goal in mind: scoring. From there, they’re usually open to more… or not.

They almost always implement a “no-contact” rule with women they’re not interested in. If you’ve found yourself suddenly dumped and unable to figure out why, you may be on the other end of a “no contact rule.” As it turns out, this is the men’s preferred method of moving on. Whether or not they tell you it’s over isn’t specified, which I guess means it isn’t guaranteed.

They don’t want to be seen as “beta.” Being a beta male means you’re the opposite of an alpha. This type of male, according to this forum, is someone who is needy, clingy, and plays the stereotypical woman’s role in the relationship. According to forum lore, women lose respect for this type of man and are more likely to cheat. I’ll let you decide if you think this one is true or not.

Weight matters to them. In this particular group, a woman’s weight is important. There are frequent postings about getting catfished by women who appear larger in person than they did online. Men frequently complain that they can’t find any “fit” women to date. Other men will chime in with same stories and words of encouragement. It’s like a self-help group for shallow dudes.

Men decide their worth differently than women. The men on this forum seemed to base their worth less on looks or personality and more on financial success, power, and titles. Although this all correlated to their ability to find and seduce women, their focus was different than females. Men discussed finding better jobs, making more money, owning better cars, and having more access to hobbies.

They think women have it easy. So many men across the forum, while discussing their 3,000-4,000 calorie/day diets, would complain that women have it easy. We could lose weight easily, we’re just lazy. We can get sex any time we want, apparently. An average woman could have sex with any attractive man, they insist. There you have it, women: our lives are easy!

Breaking up is almost always the answer. When I hear about my friend’s relationship problems, I almost never suggest breaking up, but men on this forum are quick to jump to breaking up as the answer for everything. A woman wouldn’t have sex with one of them last night? Break up! Had an argument? Time to end things. She seemed moody? She’s probably seeing someone else already—just get it over with. Many of these men held the belief that things couldn’t be resolved or talked about and they were better off just moving on.

They are jealous. So very, very jealous. Men would post about the tiniest things. She went out with her friends last night; she was on Facebook late last night; she has a male co-worker. All of it can only mean one thing: she’s cheating. I was shocked at the things that men thought meant their wives or girlfriends are cheating on them. I have to wonder, why? Could it be because they’re cheating themselves or are these men just the jealous type?

There are still quite a few men out there who think they’re entitled to sex. I didn’t understand toxic masculinity as well as I do after reading this forum. I was shocked and disturbed by the number of men who think they are entitled to sex. They seem to have the view that women purposefully withhold sex from them despite secretly wanting it for some kind of power play. They have built up resentment for women in general, who they view as deceitful and manipulative for not meeting their needs. Reading this forum was quite the eye-opener to the ignorant ideas that some men still have. Thankfully, I know good guys still exist, but hopefully more of them will speak out and put a stop to this kind of thinking among men.

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