What Is “Frosting” & Is A Guy Doing It To You?

Frosting is when a guy suddenly goes cold on you. He doesn’t ghost you but he seems to lose interest for a while. The thing is, it’s not always easy to know if he’s doing this to you or not. Maybe he’s being quiet because he’s having a rough week at work, right? Here’s how to tell you’re definitely the victim of this obnoxious dating trend.

  1. You feel like you have to do all the work. One of the biggest signs a guy is frosting you is that you feel like you’re the one making all the effort to keep the communication and dates going. This is a manipulation tactic he uses to make you feel you have to work harder for his attention and interest.
  2. It’s not a normal “busy.” Yeah, guys sometimes say they’re busy when they just don’t want to talk, but there are times when a guy’s a little quieter than usual because he’s genuinely busy. However, a froster seems OTT busy, as if he’s a heart surgeon and a celebrity in one person. It’s the type of busy that you know is BS because no one can have THAT much going on.
  3. He was available just five minutes ago. Another telltale sign you’re dealing with a froster is that he changes out of the blue. Last week, he was chatting to you regularly and keen to meet up. What could’ve changed within a few days?
  4. He wants you to second-guess yourself. The froster thrives on making you wonder why he disappeared like that and if he’s coming back. He likes to throw you for a loop and keep you on your toes. It’s like a twisted game of playing hard to get.
  5. It feels like he’s ghosting you. The froster can start to feel like the ghoster because he goes AWOL on you, stops returning your texts, and never has time to hang out. But there’s a crucial difference: he’s still there on the horizon, lingering at the fringes of your life. He might “like” one of your Facebook posts or Instagram stories just to show you that he’s still around. He likes to make you think that at any time he can swoop in and you guys can become a real couple.
  6. He likes to be on top. The froster plays you hot and cold because he likes to keep his options open, yes, but he also likes to see people squirm. He has low self-esteem and he’s quite insecure. He wants to win at relationships and he only feels like he is when he’s not giving too much of himself and he’s making you wait around for his texts. It’s all about him and his giant ego that needs three babysitters.
  7. He gives you just enough warmth to keep you going. This can be seen in how he “likes” your social media posts even though he’s not committing to date plans, but he might do other things too. He might’ve really flirted with you before disappearing for a few days or maybe at your last date he was super-affectionate and made you feel like a queen.
  8. It’s like love-bombing, only sicker. This type of behavior is done with the intent of making you feel like he’s still into you so you don’t move on. Basically, if a guy’s being seriously hot and cold with you, you know he’s most likely putting on an act.
  9. You know deep down that you need to GTFO. If he’s giving you mixed messages, which is classic frosting behavior, you shouldn’t waste your time or energy on this guy. If he was genuinely interested in you and a decent human being, he wouldn’t play such ridiculous games or make you feel stressed.
  10. Play him at his own game. One of the best things you can do with a guy who likes to frost is to freeze him out. Instead of texting him to see where he’s at, which is what he thrives on, instesad step back and show him what it’s like to be left out in the cold. He’ll also see that you’re not interested in his games and maybe he’ll clean his act up.
  11. Don’t buy the “confused man” story. He might say that he was confused or just needed to think things through, which is why he was keeping his distance. That’s BS. No grown man who’s in his late twenties or older is going to be “confused” about what he wants or who he wants to date. What he’s really saying is that he’s not sure about you, but that’s a different story. If he’s a froster, he’ll use the “I’m confused” lie so that you stick around. Nah, you don’t need this type of toxic man. Next!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.