What Is Micro-Dating & Is The Guy You’re Seeing Doing It To You?

“Micro-dating” is basically when the person you’re seeing isn’t 100% there. You might think that you’re on track to becoming a power couple when in reality he’s fooling you (or you’re fooling yourself). Enough of that. Here are 12 micro-dating signs so you don’t waste your time.

  1. He schedules you in. He says no anytime you suggest a spontaneous date. He can only see you on Saturdays and Wednesdays. On other days, he’s “way too busy.” Hmmm. It’s clear you’re not a priority in his life at all.
  2. He lives in the moment. He has loads of fun with you, but he’ll never actually talk about the future, at least not when it comes to you. Sure, he might talk about his career ambitions and where he sees himself in 10 years, but he won’t talk about going on vacation with you next year or being your plus-one to your bestie’s wedding.
  3. He puts you on hold. There are some instances when the guy basically presses pause on what you want from the relationship, like when you suggest he meets your folks after you’ve been dating for almost a year. He’ll claim “it’s not the right time” or he’s “not sure if [he] can make it.” He’s always wiggling out of couple-like things.
  4. He avoids milestones. When’s the last time you guys actually hit a relationship milestone like exchanging “I love you” or going on your first vacation together? If it seems like you’re in a dating rut with this guy, you’re just floating along. You’re dating, sure, but it doesn’t really feel that official and long-lasting.
  5. He pulls you back from the breakup. This guy knows when to compliment you and tell you how he feels about you—when you’re ready to throw in the towel. That’s when he comes into the relationship with guns blazing. It’s a clever way to keep you around even though you’re sick and tired of how he’s stalling. You’ll never find him just giving you flowers or taking you out on a romantic date for the heck of it.
  6. He’s still on dating apps. You’ve been dating for a few weeks and he still hasn’t deleted his Tinder app. Ugh. Maybe your friend saw that he still has his profile on there and it freaks you out. It should. Just because he tells you that it “means nothing” or that his profile “isn’t even active,” it’s clear that he hasn’t fully jumped into a relationship with you.
  7. His Facebook profile is set to private. The guy has been dating you for a while but there are still sections of his social media profiles that are off limits to you. For example, maybe his friends list on FB is private or you can’t see chunks on his wall. Ugh. If he can’t let you see his virtual life, maybe his offline life is just as private.
  8. He acts weird when you bump into his friends. He hasn’t asked you to meet his loved ones and it annoys you, but when it comes to this milestone, you can give the guy some time and see what happens, especially if you’ve only been together for a few weeks. However, it’s a totally different story if you two bump into his friend and your BF acts totally weird or tries to avoid his friend so he won’t meet you. What’s he hiding?
  9. He never hangs out in town. He always takes you to certain places and avoids others. Sure, you might have a special restaurant across town that you both enjoy, but it’s like he’s hiding something. Maybe he doesn’t want you to run into his loved ones or his other women on the side, so he keeps you on the fringes of the city—and his life really.
  10. He uses relationship labels, but only in private. It feels great when the person you’re dating can finally say that they’re your boyfriend or you’re their girlfriend. What doesn’t feel great is when your boyfriend can’t seem to utter those words in public. Hm. He’s cleverly appeasing you behind closed doors but then acting like a single guy out in the world.
  11. His texting is all over the place. This guy just isn’t consistent. He either texts you a heck of a lot and usually after 10 at night or he can go for the whole weekend without so much as a “hey, how’s it going?” It’s annoying, but also a clear sign that he’s not serious about you. He’s sort of dating you. He’s not in the relationship completely, otherwise, he’d step up and be more reliable and consistent with you.
  12. He’s not interested in the details. Sure, he asks you about your family, upbringing, work, and dreams, but he doesn’t dig deeper into what makes you fantastic. He doesn’t ask about your cool hair color or why you do that cute thing when you’re nervous. He doesn’t really see what you’re about on a deeper level, even though he spends quite a bit of time with you. That’s a clear sign he’s not in this to be deep or get really close to you. He’s loving you from a distance.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.