What Is ‘Wokefishing’ And How Can You Spot This Dating Trend In The Wild?

Have you ever met someone who initially seemed to be everything you want on paper, but something just seemed… off? They slowly seemed to change or their actions suddenly didn’t line up with their words. You might be the victim of wokefishing, one of the worst new trends taking over the dating scene.

What is wokefishing?

The term “wokefishing” first appeared in a 2020 Vice article by Serena Smith, but people have probably been trying to pull this off for longer. It’s a play on “woke” and “catfishing.” Wokefishing is when someone pretends to hold the same views as you, typically progressive or liberal views, to essentially lure you into dating them. It’s a deceptive dating strategy as this person doesn’t actually hold the values they claim to have.

There’s nothing wrong with meeting new people, being exposed to new ways of thinking, and then changing your stance on certain issues. But that’s not what wokefishing is. Wokefishing is deliberately manipulative because they know you’re not going to be into the real them, so they pretend to be someone else to trick you into falling for them.

How to spot this behavior in the wild

  1. They’re inconsistent. They’re not consistent with their words and actions because it’s hard to keep the mask on all the time – or they don’t know how to act all the time since they’re not actually invested in a cause. Maybe they claim to be an environmentalist because you are, but you catch them littering all the time. No one’s perfect; most people don’t expect perfection all the time or an all-or-nothing approach, but there are some things people who actually believe in something would never do. Littering as an environmentalist is definitely one, and this is a perfect example of wokefishing.
  2. They’re massively hypocritical. Most people are actually a little hypocritical at moments, but when you’ve the victim of wokefishing, it’s not about small things or honest human errors; they’re hugely hypocritical when it comes to their so-called core beliefs and values. Maybe they went to BLM protests and posted lots of fundraisers, petitions, and resources online, but they still use AAVE despite being white or use racist language.
  3. They’re big on virtue signalling. They’re usually the loudest person in the room, but you start to realize their approach to being an ally is all about them and making themselves look good rather than uplifting the communities they supposedly care so much about. But a big tell-tale sign of wokefishing is when they don’t actually do anything useful or productive and cannot handle accountability. For example, they might claim to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ community but are called out for constantly centering themselves, speaking over the community, and expecting to be hailed as a hero for not being homophobic. Rather than taking what’s being said on board, they lose it.
  4. They say whatever you want to hear. It’s hard to have a meaningful conversation because they only say what they think you want to hear. Someone who’s working won’t call you out if you’re wrong or give honest opinions. They’re trying to seem agreeable and open to all different opinions
  5. They’re not as nice to everyone else. They’re nice to you because they think you’re attractive and probably want something. But, they’re probably rude to those they think are below them or they deem invaluable, like people in the service industry or people they’re not attracted to. They’ll probably start treating you like that eventually.
  6. They can’t really defend their beliefs. Someone who’s wokefishing will go along with whatever you say, but if you actually try to question them on why they feel that way, they’ll regurgitate your reasons or struggle to find an answer. That’s because they don’t actually hold any strong opinions or feelings to back up the values they claim to have.
  7. They don’t want to answer questions first. If you ask them a question about their beliefs, they’ll deflect and be vague until you say what you think; then, they’ll agree enthusiastically. This is especially true when you’re talking about a hot-button issue that most people have strong opinions about.
  8. They change drastically between partners. If you dig deep enough, you’ll notice they seem to lack their own identity. For example, their ex was vegan, so they were vegan. Now that you’re together and you’re not vegan, they’re eating meat again with no hesitation.
  9. They might show their true colors eventually. Their long-term plan might be to slowly try to turn you to their way of thinking. They’ll keep the mask on at first, but slowly it will start to come off. The problem with wokefishing is that those who do it can’t keep up the farce forever.
  10. They manipulate others. Honestly, you’re not the exception when it comes to their poor behavior. If someone speaks poorly of others and manipulates other people in their life, they’ll eventually start doing that to you. So, if they seem proud to have deceived others into getting what they want or are the nicest person ever to someone’s face and bad talk them later, they’re probably wokefishing.
  11. Their inner circle have conflicting values. You can’t choose your family or your upbringing. So, someone having conservative parents isn’t always a red flag because lots of people pick up their own values as they grow up and strongly disagree with their families in the end. But, you choose your friends, and you’re pretty influenced by those you spend the most time with. Claiming to be a male feminist but then making excuses for and enabling his misogynistic friends is a huge sign of wokefishing; he probably acts just like his friends behind closed doors. You can agree to disagree on issues like taxation, not on fundamental human rights and treating others with respect.
Aisling is a 20-something year old Irish writer who is the life and relationship guru of her social circle. She loves music, movies, and coffee.
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