What It’s Like Being A Woman Who Loves To Swear

What It’s Like Being A Woman Who Loves To Swear

To quote my father, I “talk like a drunken sailor.” What this really means is I f*cking love to swear. I don’t know where it comes from (maybe my mom swears like a banshee when she’s alone), but I imagine if I were to keep a tally of the curse words that come out of my mouth on a daily basis, it would be somewhere close to 500 – and that’s on a day when I’m working and not talking much. Hell, I even swore in my wedding vows, because why the f*ck not?

As a woman who swears and loves doing so, I get a lot of crap from people, which I know would absolutely not be the case if I were a guy. It’s like when I’m being vulgar; people look at me with horror, whereas a guy saying the same thing is likely to get a round of applause. But here’s the thing: I love cursing up a storm and I’m not changing for anyone. Here’s what it’s like to be a woman who loves to swear.

  1. You swear during moments when it seems least likely that one would swear. As I said, I swore in my wedding vows, because it felt weird not to speak how I normally speak. I also don’t just love people, I f*cking love them, and I’m so f*cking sorry that your grandfather just died.
  2. You constantly have to watch your mouth around children. I’ve stopped trying to catch what I say around adults, because unless it’s my Grammy, hearing swear words shouldn’t bother them. But, Christ, when kids are around it’s damned near impossible to not drop an F-bomb. When my nephew paints me a picture how am I not supposed to say, “This is f*cking badass, Elliot!”
  3. Your mother will say your behavior is “unladylike” for the majority of your life. Actually, my mother can’t get through a single phone conversation without mentioning just how unladylike I am and the forever popular, “Where did I go wrong with you?” at least half a dozen times.
  4. You’re accused of having bad manners all the time. True story: Manners and swearing do not go hand-in-hand. For example, I always send thank you notes, I keep my elbows off the table and my napkin in my lap during dinner, I always tip at least 20 percent, and I mastered “please” and “thank you” before I even got to preschool. My manners are just fine, thank you.
  5. “F*ck” is your go-to for any and all emotions. I’m so f*cking happy! I’m so f*cking sad. I’m so f*cking confused. I’m so f*cking depressed. I’m so f*cking pissed, because what the f*cking f*ck?
  6. Most of the time you don’t even realize you’ve said anything “bad.” If it weren’t for someone around me pointing out what I’ve said, I wouldn’t even realize a lot of what I’m saying. Yes, I love swearing and relish in it when I’m aware, but it’s so f*cking natural that I just miss it sometimes.
  7. You impress yourself with your ability to get so many swears in one sentence. This is most especially true when I’m pissed off. For example: “You douchebag.” It’s a work of art, isn’t it?
  8. You’re always defending your use of the word “cunt.” Despite knowing several other women who use and love the word “cunt,” this is one that can start a war with an overly PC person who declares it an anti-feminist word. However, as a feminist, and a staunch one at that, I firmly believe it’s my right, as a woman who has completely control over her body, her mouth included, to say “cunt” to my heart’s content. So… cunt. Ha!
  9. You’ve been given more warnings for your language than you count. As a freelance writer who works from home, one of the best perks is the fact that I can say whatever I want and when I see a link that says “NSFW,” I can click on it without hesitation. Back in the day when I had an office job, I was constantly getting warnings for my language, and nine times out of 10 I had no idea what I had just said. It’s definitely safer here in my apartment where I can say (and write) whatever I f*cking please.
Amanda is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle, Glamour, Mic, and Livingly. Other bylines include: Harper's Bazaar, YourTango, The Atlantic, Forbes, YouBeauty, Huffington Post, The Frisky, and BlackBook.