Over the last few years, you’ve learned vicariously through your coupled off friends about the ins and outs of wedding planning. But recently, your conversations with them have taken a new and even more terrifying turn — they’re talking about baby bumps, maternity dresses, and motherhood. Yikes.
On one hand, you’re super psyched. You can’t wait to be “the cool aunt” and get all of the glory with none of the diapers. On the other hand though, how on earth did you get here? It seems like just yesterday you and your girls were all single and fantasizing about the future. This new phase is going to take some getting used to, but this is only the beginning. Here are some of the scarier thoughts that go through your head when you see those first announcements pop up on your newsfeed:
What? But she’s so young! Oh wait, I guess we’re actually not all that young anymore. What’s the average to have a baby in this country again? Wait, it’s 26 years old? Are you freaking kidding me? Dammit, that’s a lot more catching up to do than I thought.
Seriously? I finally just got used to the weekly barrage of wedding status updates. OK, fine, I’ll admit it: I haven’t actually gotten used to the barrage of wedding status updates. Now I’m going to have to deal with drool-y baby photos? Maybe it’s time for a break from Facebook, after all.
But what about our weekly wine night? Come on, doesn’t your friendship mean anything to her? Did she even think this through?!
Maybe I should freeze my eggs. That’s, like, an acceptable thing to do these days, right? Does my health insurance cover that?
Should I try to get in touch with that guy from high school who always had a crush on me? What was his name again? Edward? Eli? Something like that. Or that random guy that keeps commenting on my Facebook page? Maybe I shouldn’t have written him off so quickly.
I’m going to be single and barren forever. Maybe it’s time to get that cat. Cats are nice.
Does this mean I have to buy another gift? The gift registry lady at Macy’s already knows you by name, probably because she’s talked you into spending hundreds of dollars on stuff for your friends’ various celebrations (and not a penny on yourself). Oh well. Time to go back to the mall.
How will I ever be able to relate to her anymore? It’s tough enough being the single friend. Now you’re going to be the single, childless friend. You really are happy for her, but you worry that you won’t be able to be her go-to gal for advice and support anymore. And that you won’t have anything to contribute to a conversation filled with baby stories about pooping and sip cups.
Oh, that poor girl. Enjoy your uninterrupted sleep while you can, suckers! Er, I mean – congratulations!
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