What It Means When Your Boyfriend Isn’t In The Mood For Sex, According To A Guy

While it’s mostly true that guys think about sex 24/7, that’s not always the case. There are indeed times when men aren’t interested in any fun between the sheets, but the occurrence is so rare that it usually means something is wrong. There’s always a reason that a guy isn’t interested in having sex, and the reason is always worth looking into. If you find that your boyfriend is no longer interested in sleeping with you, here’s what it could mean.

  1. His job is stressful. Stress is a common factor in killing a person’s sex drive. If your boyfriend has a stressful job, don’t be surprised if he’s not always in the mood to go at it. This is more common with people who have Type-A personalities and tend to be super-focused on their careers. Sometimes their job takes all of their energy so that nothing else is important, even physical intimacy. The best way to combat this would be to talk to your boyfriend about ways to reduce his workload or the stress from his job.
  2. He’s mad at you. I’m sure you ladies can understand that if you’re upset with someone, you won’t be eager to sleep with them. Believe it or not, that’s true for men as well. Admittedly, guys can be quite forgiving when it comes to sex. However, if he’s harboring anger or resentment toward you, he won’t be interested in sleeping with you. He may not even realize that he’s mad at you. Something could be bothering him below the surface and that could manifest in a lack of libido.
  3. There’s a medical problem. If your boyfriend’s lack of sex drive is a long-term issue, there could be a medical problem behind it. There are plenty of medical conditions that can cause low libido or erectile dysfunction. Medications used to treat certain conditions can also cause similar problems as a side effect. If you ask your boyfriend why he’s not interested in sex and he doesn’t have a good answer, encourage him to see a doctor in case there’s a medical reason behind it.
  4. He’s depressed. Technically, depression is a medical problem, but a mental health problem is a little different from a physical illness. Depression can manifest itself in many ways, including low libido and erectile dysfunction. Generally speaking, depression makes it difficult to enjoy the things you love, which surely includes sex. More importantly, it can be a serious issue if it goes undetected and untreated. If you’ve noticed that your boyfriend has a low libido, keep an eye on other signs of depression.
  5. He’s cheating on you. First of all, please don’t jump to this conclusion. Yes, it’s possible a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you because he’s cheating on you. Obviously, if he’s having sex with someone else, his sex drive will be down. He also won’t feel emotionally attached to you if he’s having an affair. Of course, you can’t rule out this as a possibility if a guy isn’t interested in sleeping with you all of a sudden, but don’t automatically assume this is the reason.
  6. He has sexual performance anxiety. Believe it or not, most guys care about pleasing their partners. Also, more men than you probably realize deal with performance anxiety at some point in their lives. When this happens, a guy can become disinterested in having sex out of fear. There are a lot of reasons why guys suffer from performance anxiety. Worse, there may not be an easy fix to the problem. However, isolating the issue and beginning to work through it can help.
  7. He’s watching too much porn. Okay, on behalf of all men, this is completely our fault. Sad is it may be, guys in a serious relationship don’t always stop watching porn. It just becomes part of our lifestyle and routine and it doesn’t mean we don’t love you. That being said, a guy’s porn habits can get out of control at times. This can lead to them not being in the mood for the real thing as frequently as you’d like. Granted, this won’t be an easy thing to talk about, but it must be addressed if you want to solve the problem.
  8. He’s no longer attracted to you. Please don’t kill the messenger on this one. Sadly, feelings can change and attractions can fade over time. That’s just the way it is and it can lead to having a boyfriend who isn’t that interested in sleeping with you. I’m not defending it or justifying it, I’m just saying it happens sometimes. The good news is that there are plenty of other reasons why your boyfriend isn’t interested in sex that can be addressed.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.