What To Do If You Think He’s Cheating But Have No Proof

Finding out your partner is cheating on you is one of the most painful things that can happen to you in a relationship, so it makes sense that you’d want some definitive proof before jumping to conclusions. Here are a few ways you can get more information about the situation and figure out if he’s being unfaithful.

  1. Look for changes in his technology habits. Proof that he’s cheating might just be there in black and white for you. Is he texting a lot more than normal? Does he seem more secretive with his phone? Does he get annoyed when you glance over his shoulder at what he’s typing? If the answer to any of these questions is, “Yes,” your suspicions of his infidelity may be correct. But don’t assume the worst without further confirmation. Seek other types of evidence before forming an opinion.
  2. Talk to his friends. While you may not want to march up to his friends and ask them directly if he’s sleeping with someone else, you can gain useful information by asking them how they think he’s doing and if they’ve noticed him acting strangely. If he is cheating on you, he may not have told any of them, but they too might have noticed changes in his behavior that validate your suspicions.
  3. Pay attention to his schedule. Has he become really busy at work lately or suddenly taken up a hobby that he’s never expressed interest in before? Maybe he has a lot of meetings at weird hours of the day that can’t be done online, or he seems to be taking a lot of showers. Changes in his schedule will probably be the most obvious grounds for your mistrust.
  4. Ask him. There are lots of reasons why asking will not give you a satisfying answer, but it can give you answers in other ways. How does he respond when you confront him? What is the feeling you get from him? Does he seem disproportionately angry? Insincere? Genuinely shocked? Depending on how he reacts, you will either feel more or less certain that he is being unfaithful. And if he suddenly gets a lot more secretive, you’ll know that he’s hiding something and knows you have suspicions.
  5. Give it time. If you don’t have any proof that he’s cheating on you, try to be patient. If he is being unfaithful, it’s likely that evidence will eventually emerge. The more comfortable he gets leading a double life, the more likely you are to catch him. Instead of going through his phone or showing up at his work unannounced, just sit back and wait for the proof to come to you, or, more optimistically, for another explanation to come to light.
  6. Ask if you can borrow his phone. Another way to gauge his actions is to casually ask if you can use his phone, not to snoop through his texts, but to see how he responds. If he becomes visibly uncomfortable and starts coming up with reasons why you can’t look at his phone, you’ll know that something’s not right. If he hands you his phone without a second glance, you can relax a little.
  7. Talk to your friends. Getting an objective take on your situation will help you recalibrate your thoughts. Lay out the facts as unemotionally as you can, and see how your friends respond. They may help you realize that you’re suspicions are completely justified, or a bit far-fetched. If it’s the latter, giving things time is your best option. If you become more suspicious, it’s time to confront him.
  8. Ask if you can go to his next outing. The next time he tells you he’s going somewhere that isn’t work-related, see how he responds when you ask him if you can go with him. If he seems unfazed and glad to have you along, it’s safe to conclude that he wasn’t going out for a romantic rendezvous. If, on the other hand, he gets flustered or even a little defensive, you’ve clearly caught him off guard about something.
  9. Don’t sacrifice your dignity just to confirm what you already know. Intuition is a superpower. Just because you haven’t caught your boyfriend in the act doesn’t mean you can’t know he’s cheating. You don’t have to hack into his computer or hire a private investigator to satisfy your suspicions. If you know deep down that he is being unfaithful to you, you’re probably right. And even if he isn’t literally sleeping with someone else, you’re probably sensing that he is headed in that direction. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t wait for physical evidence to break up with him.
  10. Even if he isn’t cheating, your suspicions are telling you something. The fact that you think your boyfriend might be cheating on you is evidence that something is not right in your relationship. Trust is a non-negotiable requirement in a healthy partnership, and it is clearly absent in this situation. If it turns out that your boyfriend isn’t cheating on you, you still need to address why you suspected him in the first place.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.