You were building something solid and things were going well and then BAM! He disappears. It’s time to face the facts: the guy has totally ghosted you. While you know what not to do after something like this happens — please don’t stalk him to get closure! — what are you supposed to do? Here are a few ideas.
Try not to make it personal.
I know it’s kind of hard not to do that when you’ve fallen for the guy, but just think: there are tons of reasons why people ghost. For starters, they’re immature, inconsiderate cowards. But what I’m getting at is that it might not even be about you.
Remind yourself he’s not worthy.
It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself after you’ve been ghosted and miss the guy because he seemed so nice and to have such potential for being your boyfriend or husband someday. However, it’s important to remember that if he were worthy of your love, he wouldn’t have ghosted you.
Cut all contact with him.
Maybe he’s still listed on your Facebook friend list or he’s following you on Twitter. Now, you can leave these small doors open (you never know — he might want to sneak back into your life) or you can shut those doors in his face because he doesn’t deserve them. You know what to do. Deleting his number, email address, and removing him from social media will prevent you from being tempted to get an answer from him.
You can confront him.
It’s pointless to ask him where he’s at and why he went AWOL. Trust me, you’re unlikely to get an answer from him if he couldn’t even tell you why he was leaving in the first place. Sometimes you might just want to be able to confront him about his sh*tty behavior. Go ahead and send him a text telling him that you know what he’s doing and he’s a cowardly child. You might not get an answer, but it’s not about that. It’s about having your say.
Lose the hope.
You might still have hope that this guy will want to come back into your life, but don’t hold your breath. He’s clearly long gone. Of course, he might be stupid enough to try to win you back but by that point, you should ask yourself if you even want such a loser back.
Know what you’ll do if he comes back.
What if he does come back in the future? It helps to know now what you should do if that happens. Will you speak to him? Will you take him back? Will you ignore him? Figure out a plan. Doing this exercise will also show you what it is you really want. Maybe you don’t even want this guy because he’s dissed you so badly.
Set a deadline in your mind.
At first when you’re ghosted it might be hard to know if you’ve actually been ghosted. What if he’s just fallen quiet for a few hours or days but it’s NBD? To help you out, set yourself a deadline like, “If he doesn’t text me within the next three days, he’s ghosted me and will be treated a such.” This will also help you to set boundaries so that you don’t allow yourself to get disrespected.
Hold onto your joy.
Don’t let this person set fire to your joy and happiness. Why should they have that much power over you? They shouldn’t cause you to become bitter or feel depressed for weeks or months. They’re too small for you. Little things that bring you joy —that’s all you need to focus on to move on and forget about the guy.
Take care of yourself.
Ghosting can mess with your self-confidence and make you doubt yourself. But remember, it’s not about you! Now’s not the time to allow yourself to relive the pain. You have to take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, spend time with loved ones, and do things you love. You deserve to feel good and it will also help you to take your mind off what happened to you.
Get back out there.
You need time to deal with the pain of being ghosted, but then you need to get back out there if you’re still keen on finding someone. While this can feel really difficult at first, you’ll get into the hang of it and it will give you better perspective. It’s so easy to obsess over one person who hurt you and one event that shook you, but there’s a whole world out there with people who wouldn’t ghost you.
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