What To Do When A Guy Won’t Go Down On You

Guys love a woman going downtown on him, but many guys hate the whole ‘giving in return’ part. So what do you do when your new guy won’t go downtown on you? First off, don’t freak out. There could be a valid reason and he might not be a total ass. Of course, he could just be one of those jerks who thinks making love is all about him and you couldn’t possibly need anything besides a few quick thrusts. If he ever flat out refuses or avoids a little downstairs tongue action, it’s time to talk.

  1. Ask him why. I know it seems obvious, but a lot of women just get angry and end things. Find a time and ask him why he won’t go down on you. The problem could be as simple as the last girl he was with smelled or tasted funny. Of course, it could be more complex and he has a natural aversion to doing it. Knowing the real reason helps you both to deal with it.
  2. No more downtown action. Okay, this shouldn’t be your first action. Only do this if he refuses to explain himself or he has the audacity to demand downtown action even when he couldn’t care less about your needs. I’m not an advocate for withholding intimacy in any way, but sometimes it has to be done and this is one of those rare situations.
  3. Introduce toys to the mix. Using your mouth is incredible, but if your guy really does hate doing it, you shouldn’t make him. Remember, intimacy is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you. You still need some extra stimulation, though. Any decent guy isn’t going to mind if you bring a few toys into the bedroom. Show him how to use them and let him pleasure you that way. It might not be the same, but it shows he does care about pleasing you too.
  4. Ask if it’s just you. Don’t immediately blame your guy, because you could be the problem. Ask if his aversion to going downtown is just with you. I hate to say it, but some women don’t keep their vaginas clean and fresh. I get it, we all have those times when we’re not feeling our best. Still, if you always smell funky or you have the world’s most unruly bush, it could be a major turn off to him.
  5. Tell him why it’s important. Some guys really don’t understand why using his mouth is important. I know, it sounds like a cop out, but it’s true. If no one’s ever called him out it, he just assumes it’s not necessary. Talk to him and explain how much it means to you. Compare it to going downtownn on him if necessary.
  6. Help him work through his issues. If he had a bad experience before you, take this as a chance to help him gradually get over his issues. This doesn’t mean sit on his face immediately. Take it a step at a time. It might take a little patience, but before long, he might start to love going down on you again.
  7. Accept it and move on. We all have things we just don’t like in bed. If going downtown is your guy’s no go zone, then you might have to just accept it and move on. If that’s the only hiccup in your relationship, you’re lucky. Work around him and don’t ruin the relationship over it.
  8. Help him master other intimacy options. Using your mouth isn’t your only intimacy option. Show him what you like. Help him learn to please you even better than you please yourself. If he uses his hands right and maybe adds in a toy or two, you’ll still get your high and he’ll be eager to please.
  9. Suggest sixty-nine. I’ve heard of guys who get stage fright when they’re put on the spot. Think about it. Usually with intimacy both of you are doing it together. When he goes down on you, you’re enjoying and he’s doing all the work. He could just be freaking himself out. Help him feel less self-conscious with a little sixty nine action. He’ll be distracted by your mouth and you’ll soon be distracted by his.
  10. Remember his feelings, too. No guy wants to feel inadequate in bed. Before you start berating him or withholding, think about how you would feel if you were in his place. Would you want a guy to treat you badly because you hated going down on him and wouldn’t try that weird position he wanted? No. Unless he’s being a jerk, try a little compassion and try to find a compromise.
  11. Try mutual intimacy. Intimacy isn’t always about touching each other. A fun tease can be just as satisfying. Sit across from each other, get comfortable and enjoy the show. You’re both getting your kicks and it’s an incredible turn on to watch your partner. Plus, it’ll show him exactly what you like.
  12. Find a new guy. If you can’t live without some downtown action or the guy is just a general bad guy, dump him and find a new guy. Sometimes it really is a deal breaker, especially if you’re not too attached yet. There’s nothing wrong with it and it’s better to move on now than stick around and be miserable.

Don’t panic if your guy won’t go downtown. It happens sometimes. It sucks (or in this case, doesn’t suck), but there are ways to deal and get around it.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.