You’re ready to move on but your ex is holding you back, not because you still have feelings for him but because he just won’t accept that things are over. It’s incredibly frustrating and unfair, but there are some things you can try to cut the cord completely and leave him in your past. Here are a few of them.
- Be 100% sure this is what you want. If you’re not clear about your feelings and aren’t sure that you really want to end the relationship, this will cause the whole breakup to be vague and stressful for both you and your ex. Make sure you’re on board with moving on as that will help you deal with an ex who won’t.
- Make a clean break. You might have wanted to be friends after the breakup, but you might have to put that idea on hold for a while. If he’s still holding onto the idea of being with you, trying to maintain a friendship will just give him hope.
- Don’t be too polite. Of course, you don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings and you don’t want to be too harsh or mean when breaking up. The problem with trying too hard to be nice is that this can cause you to say vague things that he’ll pick at to find hope in them. Make sure you speak firmly and preferably on the phone or IRL so that he can’t twist your texts.
- Give him a chance to ask you questions. You want him to walk away with closure, but don’t let him ask you tons of questions all the time. This could be his way of dragging out the breakup. Nip that in the bud by answering his questions at the time of the breakup and then not answering his late-night texts where he seems driven to seek your sympathy.
- Delete him on your socials. When making a clean break, make sure to cut off ties with him online. The reason? After a week or so, you might check up on him only to see that he’s having a tough time. This might spur you on to text him to check how he’s doing. Bad move! It’ll only make him think you’re as confused about the breakup as he is.
- Don’t feel responsible. You made the choice to end things. Breakups suck but they happen every day. You can’t sit there feeling bad about it. Your ex might try to get your sympathy with his sob stories, but don’t fall for them. He has to be responsible for his own emotions. It might even help to tell him so!
- Ignore those lame requests. If your ex wants to keep you talking to him, perhaps because he misses you or he’s hoping to get back together, he might find really stupid reasons to get in touch. Example: “Hey, do you by any chance have my gate remote from last time you were here?” is one that might make you think you have to reply to his question. But you actually don’t, especially if you know you don’t have his remote and you know that he’s the type to use that as a hook to get you to talk to him. Just don’t fall for it.
- You might have to cut off your mutual friends. Sure, it’s harsh to stop talking to your mutual friends just because you and your ex have broken up. But sometimes it’s a must, especially if they’re being used by your ex to get in touch with you and check in. That’s dodgy.
- Don’t try to defend yourself. If your ex is hyped up, he might pick fights with you. This is a sneaky, toxic attempt at trying to get you to reply. Although you might feel guilty about the breakup, stick to your guns. Don’t get caught up in what he’s trying to do because he’s just looking for a reaction, even if it’s negative.
- Make sure your words match your actions. You can’t shake your head and wonder why your ex is still hanging around if you told him that it was over yet you’re still replying to his texts or “liking” his FB posts. Avoid mixed messages otherwise it’ll take so much longer for him to pack it up and stay away.
