What To Do When He Starts Losing Interest

At first you thought it was just your imagination, but no, now you’re pretty sure that your guy is really losing interest. He never calls or texts first, and if he sends you one more “k” as an answer to your texts, you’ll lose your mind. Take a deep breath and take back your control. Here’s what to do in this situation.

  1. Back off. Seriously, the worst thing you can do when a guy starts showing you that he’s losing interest is to try to overcompensate by giving him tons more interest. It will just make him think you’re a clingy doormat who’s not reading his signals. Maybe he’s too much of a coward to tell you he’s not interested, but putting yourself out there over and over again will just make him retreat more.
  2. Stop texting him. For the love of God, stop texting this guy. He’s retreating, so let him do his thing and miss you. He can’t miss you if you’re always the name he sees on his phone. If he wants to get in touch, he will. In the meantime, you have a life to live.
  3. Take yourself out on a date. I’m not saying this as a way to make you feel loved or whatever. I’m really meaning that you should take this time to spend time with yourself. Honestly, it’s the perfect timeout in your relationship (or situationship) to take stock of your feelings. Do you really want this guy? If he doesn’t make an effort, will you stick around? You need answers – not just from him, but yourself!
  4. Play it cool. Okay, maybe you’re really stressing about this guy to the point where you’ve bitten off all your nails, but you don’t need to show it. That will just make it seem like he’s the center of your world and he’s not (nor should he be). So, do what you normally would, like on social media. Have fun and show the world (and him) that you’re having a great time and he hasn’t disturbed your inner peace. Just don’t make it too obvious, otherwise, he’s going to think those FB posts are all about him.
  5. Reach out if you must. Maybe you don’t want to back off and act like everything’s cool. Maybe things were pretty serious with this guy and you want to know what’s going on so that you can either stick around or run for the nearest door. And maybe this is really unlike him and you’re worried that something else could be going on in his life. If you want to ask him what’s up, send him a text. See if he answers. If he doesn’t, at least you have your answer, even if it wasn’t the one you were hoping for.
  6. Try a more subtle approach. If texting him to find out what’s up with him isn’t really your style, it might be better to try something different to reignite your spark. Consider sending him a fun message about a cool place you’ll like to take him, such as a hiking trail or new restaurant on the other side of town. Whatever helped you bond when you first met could be used here to reach out to him and see if he’s down to spend time with you or not.
  7. Don’t press pause on your life. The worst thing you can do is sit around and put everything on hold for this guy. So, when your friends want to hang out even though you had previously made plans with this guy before he started fading or ghosting you (or whatever the hell he’s doing), hang out with them. Try to do the things you love so that your life can continue to flourish. If he’s meant to be yours, he’ll slot right back into it.
  8. Check in with your self-worth. It’s really easy to start feeling down about yourself because of his actions, but don’t buy into that BS. You’re not to blame for his crappy decisions. If you have to, remind yourself of why you’re a catch and don’t beat yourself up for things you think you might’ve done to put him off. If he wasn’t a coward, he would’ve been open about them and worked through them with you.
  9. Don’t be so available. When he shoots you a fun text to see how you are, he’s really testing the waters to see that you’re not mad at him for going AWOL, but don’t text him back within three minutes of receiving his olive branch. Let him wait a little. Show him (without having to tell him) that you haven’t been waiting around for him.
  10. Move on! If your efforts haven’t done anything to get you guys back on track, he’s not the one for you. Consider it a blessing in disguise and move on.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.