What To Do When Your Ex Still Gives You Butterflies

What To Do When Your Ex Still Gives You Butterflies ©iStock/lisegagne

You’d love nothing more than to forget all about the loser that broke your heart. Yet, whenever he crosses your mind, you forget all he did wrong. You try thinking about revenge to quell those fluttery feelings in your stomach, but that’s easier said than done, and your heart has its own ideas. Don’t freak out, though — here’s how to cope:

  1. He might be worth a second chance. OK, so you don’t have to get back together, but if you still feel this strongly, he might be one of those rare exes who are worth a second chance. Maybe you broke up over something silly like he kept leaving the toilet seat up. If he wasn’t a bad guy, consider trying again.
  2. He could’ve been your first real love. First love sticks with you, even years later. It’s not so much that you still want him, but you remember the pure joy of that first innocent love and it gives you butterflies. Of course, you might feel this way over any ex you truly loved.
  3. Try being friends and see what happens. Believe it or not, you can be friends with your ex — at least some exes. Sometimes being around them more as just friends helps purge you of those pesky butterflies. It’s especially helpful if they’re dating someone else, so you’re not too tempted to get back together.
  4. Stay away at all costs. Butterflies too strong to resist? Stay away from your ex. It could just be that you’re feeling lonely and you’re remembering the good times together. There’s nothing wrong with that, but hooking up could just cause you to get hurt all over again.
  5. Figure out how to move on. Take your butterflies as a sign that you need to move on. You might’ve thought it was over, but until you don’t feel any attraction to your ex, it’s not over. Go out with friends, focus on a hobby and throw out any reminders of him.
  6. Don’t be alone with him. Sometimes you can’t avoid your ex completely. I worked with mine, so that was out of the question. I did make a point of ensuring someone else was always around when he was. It kept me from saying any stupid like “please take me back” or “damn, you’re hot.” Eventually, I got over it and life went back to normal.
  7. Start dating someone new. It doesn’t have to be anything serious, but shift your focus to another guy. Show yourself there are other guys out there. Besides, sexy distractions are always a great way to make butterflies go away.
  8. What about him gives you butterflies? Stop and think about it for a minute. Why do you have butterflies? Is it strictly sexual? Maybe he gave you the most intense orgasms of your life. Maybe he was more romantic than any guy you’ve ever been with. Once you figure out what it is, it’s easier to ignore.
  9. Think about what went wrong before. Give yourself a cold mental shower. There’s a reason you broke up. What was it? Nothing kills butterflies faster than thinking about all the ways he screwed you over, and not in the fun sweaty way.
  10. Have any other exes given you butterflies? If this happens often, it could just be part of your moving on process. If you tend to form strong connections quickly, this happens fairly often. Just avoid the temptation to get back together and know that they’ll disappear soon.
  11. Accept it and know he’ll be replaced soon. Butterflies over exes happen to the best of us. Sometimes we just have to accept that at least a small part of us still wants him. I always remind myself that he’ll be replaced soon and I’ll have butterflies for someone new.
  12. Enjoy the memories, but don’t forget the bad times. Butterflies aren’t always a bad thing. Sometimes they’re just your mind’s way of reminding you of good memories. Obviously, there were good times in your relationship. It’s okay to remember those and smile at the memories. Just don’t forget about the bad times. They’ll keep you in check and prevent you from going back to your ex.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.