What do you do when you meet the perfect person but your parents don’t approve? That’s a tough situation to handle, especially if you get along well with your parents. While some parents might not like your partner due to superficial reasons, others are legit and may make you rethink your relationship. Here are the steps to take if they’re just not getting along with each other.
Figure out if your parents don’t like your partner because they’re prejudiced.
I’m just going to say it here: this generation knows that it’s not about the color of someone’s skin or their cultural background. We fall in love with the person for who they are. Still, our parents are often a little outdated and might have issues solely based on the way they were raised. It’s tough to handle parents who have a racist perspective, but it’s no reason to end your relationship. If anything, it’s your parents that should be cut out of the picture.
They also might have issues based on wealth and education.
Millennials are great workers, it’s just that we can’t stay loyal to companies that aren’t loyal to us. If your partner is currently in a job that doesn’t pay well or is choosing to pursue their passions over a paycheck, you can understand why your parents may disapprove. If you’re happy with the arrangement, just show them that the two of you are making things work. Times are a lot different today than they were back then. It’ll take your parents a long time to realize that while financial stability is important, so is your happiness.
Make sure your partner is respectful towards your parents.
Your parents might be old fashioned, but if they invite you and your partner over for dinner, they deserve respect. If your partner is loud, rude, and quick to get into arguments, they’re not doing their part. Love or not, you want to be aligned with someone who treats people well. If they’re rude to them and you don’t put a stop to it, they’ll think you find the behavior acceptable and will soon treat you the same way.
Talk to your parents about how they feel.
Your parents love you and want what’s best for you — and that means they deserve to be heard. Take the time to hear them out. See what kind of issues they may have with your partner, and figure out if their points are valid. It may be tempting to get into a huge argument with them, but that’ll only make matters worse. Listen to them without interrupting them, and try to let them know if they’ve been misled about something.
Limit visits at first.
If every visit ends in a big argument between your parents and your partner, try to spread them out throughout the year — if, at all. If your parents are just being unreasonable altogether, don’t forget that there’s always the option not to travel to see them. When they ask why, mention how every event turns into a blow-up fight. That’ll show them that these actions have consequences. If it’s your partner who starts the fight, consider leaving them at home. If the visit is suddenly a lot more enjoyable, maybe you should cut this person off for good.
Talk your partner up.
If something good happens, make sure your parents know. That includes things like a promotion at work or a personal success with an artistic project. By focusing on the good, it’s possible that the bad will eventually get pushed out. If you’re sure this person is right for you, you won’t have to try hard to be positive.
Figure out if they’re being cold since they liked an ex better.
It can be heartbreaking for parents to lose someone that they thought would eventually be their son or daughter-in-law. While breaking up affects you the most, it can also be hard for your parents. That said, it’s not fair if they’re projecting this onto your new partner. Remind them why your ex wasn’t good for you, and try to get them to give your new partner a fair chance.
Understand if they’re trying to protect you.
If there’s something that’s a huge red flag to your parents, they may have an issue opening up to you about it. Maybe your partner seems a little too into guns or has said a comment or two that may have been offensive. If it’s a new relationship, you may have your love blinders on. If you get along well with your parents, try and figure out if they’re legitimately seeing something you aren’t. It’s also important to read their body language when you’re all together. You may be able to figure out the issue based on that alone.
Consider cutting ties.
If your parents are straight-up nasty about your partner, it may be time to just cut them off. Of course, this is an extreme solution, but it may be good for your sanity if they’ve been trying to control your dating life. You’re an adult, and you have the option to date whoever you want to. And unless this person is causing your physical or mental harm, your parents shouldn’t have a huge say in it.
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