What To Text A Guy After A First Date

After a first date, you might have the urge to text the person you went out with to either further the good vibes you felt or shut things down if you know there’s no chemistry. However, knowing what to say in your text after a first date is tough, especially when you legitimately like the guy and are hoping he feels the same and wants to go out again. Here are a few suggestions to try.

What to text after a first date

  1. “Thanks for a great night! Would love to do it again sometime.” It’s short and simple but effective. You want to see them again and you want them to know it. In a perfect world, you would have already made plans before ending your first date, but if you were both feeling shy/playing coy, this is a great text to send.
  2. “Can you believe [something weird/funny that happened on your date]?” Calling back to something memorable is a great way to further connect with the person. It’s like creating your own little inside jokes right from the beginning, which is always good. Obviously, don’t make stuff up if nothing particularly noteworthy happened on your date because you’ll just end up looking weird.
  3. “Next time, it’s my treat.” If your date picked up the tab or even if you went dutch, this is a great text to send after a first date if you want to see them again. That’s not to say that you should offer to pay their way just to get them to go back out with you, but this is a sweet gesture and shows you’re generous and believe chivalry works both ways.
  4. “There’s a [concert/art exhibition/other event that sounds fun] coming up — second date idea?” If you’re a straight woman dating a straight man, you shouldn’t bow to conventional dating advice and leave it up to him to plan the next idea. After your first date, take the reins and send him a text suggesting that you both hit up a great event that’s coming up. It’ll take the pressure off him and give you both something to look forward to. (Note that this works for every date coupling, not just straight ones!)
  5. “It was so nice to meet you! I don’t think we’re right for each other, but thank you for a fun night!” This is pretty much the only response for when you’ve gone out with someone and the chemistry just wasn’t there. It’s gracious, kind, and leaves things on a good note. It lets them know that you valued their time even though it didn’t work out and that’s sure to bring you good dating karma. Send this text either a few hours after your first date or maybe the next morning. Hopefully, they’ll take it with the grace with which it was intended.

When to text after a first date

All of the above texts can really be sent whenever you want really, but is there a particular timeframe you should be aiming for? According to therapist and relationship expert Adina Mahalli, MSW, there definitely is. You want to give yourself and the person you went on a date with time to process things and think about whether there’s potential for something further. “With this in mind, texting later in the evening or the next morning to thank them for meeting you and let them know that you enjoyed the date is not only polite, but also a way of getting the conversation going to test the waters and see if they felt the same,” she advised.

Sinead Cafferty is a writer who has authored four collections of poetry: "Dust Settling" (2012); "The Space Between" (2014); "Under, Under, Over" (2016); and "What You Can't Have" (2020). She's currently working on her first novel, a dystopian romance set in the 22nd Century, that's due out in 2024.

Sinead has an MFA in creative writing from NYU and has had residencies with the Vermont Studio Center and the National Center for Writing.