What You Need To Know About Sleeping With Someone If You Want To Enjoy It Fully

What You Need To Know About Sleeping With Someone If You Want To Enjoy It Fully ©iStock/wundervisuals

Sleeping with someone is an important part of relationships and life in general. Most people know the facts taught to them by ed classes back in their school days, but they don’t know enough about it in real terms, beyond the boring textbook backgrounds. Here are 15 things every woman should know about sleeping with someone. After all, if you want to enjoy it fully, real education is key.

  1. No one is entitled to love-making, and you don’t owe it to anyone. Making love is a privilege. It’s not something that should be forced, demanded, or negotiated like a business deal. Anyone who tries to guilt you into pity intimacy or insinuates that you’re supposed to put out is wrong, and you should probably kick them to the curb.
  2. Everyone has insecurities of some sort. You may be shocked to hear this, but even the most experienced stars have insecurities about their performance in bed. Just about everyone has one thing or another that makes them feel shy about intimacy. It’s normal! The funny thing is, most partners you’ll have won’t notice or care about whatever you’re worried about, because they’re just happy to be getting laid.
  3. If you get freaky, you need to do it safely. BDSM is not something to be taken lightly. There are many, many examples of freaky play going wrong, and it can turn traumatic or even deadly in some cases. Before you engage in anything kinky, have a frank talk with your partner, have a safe word, and read up on how to do it. It could save you a lot of pain.
  4. Intimacy isn’t love. Don’t conflate the two. It’s possible to have love without intimacy, and intimacy without love. A healthy relationship typically has both.
  5. Intimacy is important in romantic relationships. Even if you’re interested in romantic relationships, the fact is that intimacy will play a role in how you deal with your romantic partner. If one partner isn’t at least moderately satisfied, the relationship will sour. Withholding intimacy from a partner is cruel and can seriously hurt their feelings, so do your romantic life a favor and find a partner with a similar drive to you.
  6. What is hot for you might not be hot for others. Don’t assume that what you find hot is what your partner will find hot. Take a hint from their body language to figure that out, and be willing to have a frank discussion.
  7. Being experienced doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does being inexperienced make you a good one. This is a common myth that’s perpetuated by insecure people who can’t seem to get their own groove on. A person’s confidence has nothing to do with their moral fiber, unless it involves cheating on a partner. Anyone who tells you otherwise has hangups that they may need to address.
  8. You should get tested after every partner or every 3 months, whichever comes first. There are free STD clinics in every major city. There’s no reason why you should be risking your, or your partner’s, health.
  9. If you’re sleeping with multiple partners, you MUST use protection. Birth control pills, IUDs, and sterilization do not protect against STDs. If you have multiple partners, you can’t risk it. There are just too many people at risk to not use protection. Protection is the only birth control method that prevents STD transmission.
  10. Consent is mandatory. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. End of discussion.
  11. You need to be able to cope with the emotions that can come with intimacy before you have it. Intimacy affects people differently. Some can be totally detached from the act, while others can’t handle no-strings-attached arrangements. Still more may have some hangups that make them freak out about the deed. Before getting another person involved with you intimately, do yourself a favor and work to get an emotionally healthy outlook on intimacy.
  12. People will talk, but it doesn’t matter in the long run. Even if you’ve embraced your confidence as the natural, beautiful thing it is, others won’t see it that way. If you do sleep with someone, people will find out. If you do it frequently, people might talk. The key thing here is to realize that people who judge you based on intimacy aren’t usually worth keeping around, anyway.
  13. Intimacy is better with someone you love. It’s true.
  14. You should never sleep with someone who makes you nervous. Listen to your gut. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable around this person, you should not sleep with them.
  15. Learn the true facts about intimacy. If you didn’t sleep with someone in high school, you need to learn the biological side of intimacy, including the signs of STD transmission, how you can get pregnant without penetration, and how to maintain intimate health. If you aren’t sure about where to go, talk to a doctor or read up on it online.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.