We all have a drawer dedicated to our bras and underwear. When I’m not going commando, I’ve got plenty to choose from. Whether your collection contains five for $25 panties from Victoria’s Secret or thigh high stockings and garters, your choice of underwear says a lot about you.
- Granny panties. You probably aren’t having sex. If there’s one thing I know about guys, it’s that they like sexy panties. You either don’t give a damn — which I kind of respect, to be honest — or you’re not getting any at the moment. I mean, I buy cute underwear for me, but impressing a guy is a bonus.
- Thongs. You like to be free! Some women (my mom and Diane Keaton in Because I Said So) don’t understand thongs. They think they’re uncomfortable and stupid. WRONG! I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t think of it as a permanent wedgie. I feel as though my ass is free and I don’t have to be concerned about awful panty lines.
- Period only underwear. We all have them: underwear dedicated to that time of the month. They make you feel less bloated and comfortable. If that’s all you’ve got, it’s probably time for an upgrade, because things are getting pretty sad.
- Straps straps straps. Girl, you’re a freak. I have some strappy things in my collection, but those are for sexy time use only.
- Crotch-less panties. Girl, you’re a super freak, and you have my utmost respect and admiration.
- Boy shorts. You’re cool, you probably surf and use the word dude a lot, guys love your personality, and you’re the chick guys (and girls!) like to grab a beer with. I have these to sleep in, but like I’ve mentioned, I can’t deal with constraining my butt.
- Cheeky underwear. These are fun, and you’re fun. You probably have a really nice ass. Guys love cheeky underwear because it still leaves something for the imagination (or so one guy told me). These are also fun because there’s enough room on them for cute designs, and you’ll never be too old for cute designs.
- G-string. You’re definitely DTF. You don’t just casually wear a g-string out to the bar unless you know it’s going down later. Fact.