What’s “Breakup Ghosting”? Hint: It’s Not Regular Ghosting

Just when you thought dating terms couldn’t get more complicated, “breakup ghosting” arrives to the party. Here are 14 things you need to know about it so you can spot if your BF’s doing it to you and GTFO of the relationship.

  1. It’s straight out of the coward manifesto. Breakup ghosting is just another way in which cowardly people try to break up with their partners without actually breaking up with them. They avoid their partners to give them the hint that the relationship’s over. Is your boyfriend doing that to you? If so, he’s probably guilty of the following signs.
  2. He wants you to lose it. He’s got this all planned out: by floating around out of sight and avoiding you, you’ll get fed up and end things with him eventually. I mean, how many times can you deal with him not replying to your texts before you tell him to GTFO? Your anger is what he wants ’cause then he doesn’t have to do the breaking up.
  3. He’ll try to avoid you without making you too suspicious. Breakup ghosting varies from the regular kind of ghosting because he doesn’t just disappear out of your life. No, he’s sneakier than that. He’ll try to avoid you to give you the hint he’s losing interest, without doing anything too dramatic or sudden.
  4. It’s like pulling off a band-aid really slowly. Ugh, who thought there’d be something worse than regular ghosting? Breakup ghosting sucks because you’re led on by the guy, sometimes for a long time before you decide to walk away.
  5. It’s even worse if you’re a chaser. If you’re the type of woman who’ll increase her efforts to keep the guy around instead of walking away when he starts avoiding you, you could end up stuck in the zone of breakup ghosting for a long time—longer than you should for your own sanity.
  6. He’s taking the classic “busy” excuse to another level. He used to have loads of time for you on the weekends, now he’s super busy at work. And it seems like he’s getting busier as time goes on. It’s clear that he’s not busy, he’s just not interested in spending time with you.
  7. He won’t block you, but he won’t chat much either. He won’t do something hectic on social media like delete and block you, but he’ll try to fade you out online. So, when you’re keen to have a chat on Facebook, he’ll ignore your messages or say that he’s got to run.
  8. He’s got some crazy excuses. Some guys who do breakup ghosting really go to town with how they try to get out of seeing or talking to you. For instance, when you ask him why he hasn’t replied to your texts in days, he’ll say that he lost his phone. When you ask why he’s been so quiet on email, he’ll tell you some far-fetched story about how he can’t gain access to his account. It’s just ridiculous.
  9. He ends the conversation at important points. The minute you suggest going out for a date, he’ll avoid replying to your text, leaving you wondering where he disappeared to. WTF? This isn’t a fluke. He ends conversations at crucial points when he’s required to step up and act like your boyfriend. By ditching you halfway into the conversation, he doesn’t have to give you an explanation for why he can’t see you yet again, so he can be a coward instead.
  10. Previous plans crumble into dust. He’s not the only thing that’s pulling a Houdini on you. Remember those plans you guys had to go to Europe in the summer? When you mention them, he avoids talking about them. He’s cropping you out of his future picture. Poof, gone!
  11. He doesn’t acknowledge you. When you see him at a mutual friend’s birthday party, he doesn’t come up to you and spend time with you. He acts like he doesn’t know you until you go greet him. It’s so annoying, but it’s all part of his game to distance himself from you and piss you off, so you know what his deal is. Don’t give him the satisfaction of showing him you care. He’s not worth it.
  12. You find out about his life on instagram. The only reason why you know he’s having pizza for lunch and going to the Lakers game on the weekend is because you follow him on Instagram. When you reach the point of having to rely on his social media updates to know what’s cracking in his life, that’s when you know the guy’s totally breakup ghosting you.
  13. So, why doesn’t he just ghost you then? He doesn’t want to be the bad guy who disappears on you, but he doesn’t want to be with you either. Can he just be man enough to break up like a decent human being? What a loser!
  14. Karma’s a bitch. The guy was hoping to gently leave your life without causing a scene or having to end things with you, but now he’s got to do even more to try to show you that he’s not interested so you leave him. Ha! It can totally backfire on him. He might end up having to explain himself anyway, which is what he was trying so desperately to avoid. But it serves the man-child right.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.