What’s A Fauxmance & How Do You Know If You’re In One?

You may think you’re finally living in a fairytale romance, but are you really? Here are 11 signs you’re actually in a fauxmance.

  1. You don’t know how to communicate. Maybe he keeps interrupting you whenever you try to talk or he shuts you down. Maybe you don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, which makes you wonder if you should even bother opening up to him. Yikes. Sadly, if you don’t have proper communication, you have nothing. How can you deal with issues that come up or really get to know each other on a deep level?
  2. You fear not getting a reply. When you text your guy asking him out, you always have a worry that springs to mind. “What if he doesn’t reply?” you might find yourself wondering. If this continues, you have to question why that is happening. It might not be a result of your own insecurity. Maybe you don’t really trust him or his feelings for you. You shouldn’t have to worry that the guy you’re with is going to bounce or ditch you. He should at least make you feel that he’s not going anywhere.
  3. He doesn’t show up. Love is about showing up. If he doesn’t step up to the plate and be a real boyfriend to you, such as by supporting you when you need help or being someone with whom you can share your victories, then he’s not really your boyfriend. He’s leaving you to stand alone. That’s pretty shady.
  4. You hype up your relationship to others. When spending time with your BFFs, you usually talk about how amazing your relationship and boyfriend are. You can’t deny that niggling feeling in the pit of your stomach, the one that tells you you’re exaggerating the truth just so that you can seem to have it all. The more you feel you have to build up your relationship, the less foundation it actually has in reality.
  5. You show the world your couple selfies. You love to share couple selfies on Facebook and Instagram and that’s cool, but if the perfect moments you’re sharing are actually not that great when the camera isn’t flashing, you might be in a fake relationship. It could be that you’re overcompensating to hide the fact that you’ve got nothing quite like the relationship you’re flaunting online.
  6. You check up on him on social media. If you feel that you have to check up on what he’s doing on a daily basis because you haven’t heard from him or he hasn’t shared his life updates with you, that’s a bad sign. It’s like you’re clutching onto anything you can to feel that you know the guy when really, he’s keeping you at a distance for a reason. That’s not the behavior of someone who wants something real and long-lasting with you.
  7. He came on too strongly. In the beginning of your relationship, he showed you loads of attention and love, but now that’s fizzled out. The question is “Why?”
  8. He never lived up to the hype. A guy who love-bombs you only to stop showing you the love clearly has a hidden agenda. He can’t live up to the hype he built in the early stages of your relationship, so all that love and attention was fake. He probably used it to manipulate you into liking him. Now that he’s got you locked into a relationship, he can be lazy and stop trying.
  9. His words sound a bit scripted. Does he say things like “You complete me,” “You’re my everything,” or “You mean the world to me”? Those might sound romantic, but if it sounds like he’s reading from a cheesy rom-com script whenever he opens his heart to you, that’s a red flag. He might be relying on what he thinks you want to hear so that he keeps you where you are. The bottom line is that he’s not being genuine.
  10. You’re too afraid to talk about the future. If you’ve been dating for months and you still don’t really know where you’re going as a couple or what the future holds, there’s a problem. A big problem. Your relationship doesn’t have much long-term potential if you’re only concerned with the present time, as fun as that time might be. Why is he holding back? Maybe he doesn’t see anything real for the future. Yup, you’re on borrowed time with this guy.
  11. You’re just a label. You might call each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” and even introduce each other to friends and family with those labels but that’s the only real thing that you’ve got going. Underneath the labels, you’re acting more like friends or acquaintances. You’re not really going the distance if you’re not acting like each other’s ride or die. The labels might sound cool, but they’re just words, and you need real, tangible actions! Anything less just doesn’t cut it.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.