Here’s What’s Really Happening When The Guy You’ve Just Started Dating Is Acting Hot & Cold

It’s a tale as old as time: girl meets guy, they like each other, and then she wonders forever what he’s thinking. You hope that things will get simpler once you get into a relationship, but what if you’re not in that place yet and you don’t even know if he likes you in that way? If the guy that you’re into is all hot and cold, it’s not a fun experience. Here’s what’s really going on when you’re confused AF.

  1. He’s not sure about you. If a guy likes you, guess what—he’s going to act like he likes you. He’s not going to talk to you a ton one day and ignore your text messages the next. When he promises that you’re going to grab drinks this weekend and then you never hear from him, that proves that he hasn’t made up his mind about how he feels about you. You don’t need to put up with that.
  2. He’s dating around. A guy who’s boyfriend material is going to have eyes for only you. He won’t feel the need to play the field. He’s not acting in an honest way because he might be juggling a bunch of different girls. He might have had every intention of doing what he said that he was going to, like texting you to get together again, but then he went out with someone else. It sucks but it happens, so you might as well think that you’re not the only one.
  3. He’s afraid to admit that he’s afraid of commitment. Yup, that’s a lot of fear going on there. This guy might legitimately want to be with you, he just can’t get out of his own way and tell himself that he should say goodbye to his worries and insecurities and take a risk with you. That’s not your issue to deal with.
  4. He means what he says but only in the moment. You know when you’re on a date and everything seems like it’s going in the exact direction that you want… and then nothing happens? You feel like you’re going crazy because you could’ve sworn that he said his schedule was open this weekend and he wanted to see you, but the days pass and you don’t hear from him. He wanted to see you… but only in the moment. Once it passed, he forgot about it and moved to something else.
  5. He’s hiding behind the worst excuse in the book. Yup, you know the one: that he’s “too busy with work” to date you. It’s probably pretty surprising to hear him say this since he kept saying how much he liked you and wanted to keep hanging out. Unfortunately, if he’s acting like this, then he’s a serious player and there’s nothing that you can do about it.
  6. He’s not mature enough to date you. People always say that women are more mature than men. It always sounds kind of harsh. In this case, though, it’s totally true. A guy who says one thing and does another is incredibly immature. There’s really no other way to look at the situation.
  7. He might not actually remember what he says to you. Yeah, that sounds nuts to you. You remember everything (and go over it a million times in your head and with your BFFs, too) but guys don’t always overthink things as much as girls do and they especially don’t if they’re not super into someone. He could have no clue that he told you he was going to contact you, but if that’s the case, you’re obviously not a priority to him so it’s bad news either way.
  8. He should know better. He’s not 12 years old (even though he might act like it sometimes). He’s old enough to realize that when he tells the girl that he’s dating something, she’s going to expect him to follow through, and it’s really crappy if he doesn’t do it. Period. You really shouldn’t put up with this kind of behavior. You don’t need to make excuses for him or tell yourself that he doesn’t realize what he’s doing. He needs to act like the adult that he’s supposed to be.
  9. He doesn’t respect women. If this guy treats you this badly then he’s probably treated other women this way, and that means that he really doesn’t respect the opposite sex. He seriously thinks that he can say and do whatever he wants and that there aren’t going to be any negative consequences. Or he doesn’t care what happens next, which is even worse.
  10. It’s not your job to decode his texts and figure him out. Repeat this whenever you need the reminder. Just because you like him and think that he’s cute doesn’t mean that you need to be this upset and confused all the time. Actually, it’s the total opposite. You already have a career—and it has nothing to do with figuring out this guy’s every word and move. Wait for someone who does what he says. You will be so much better off. Who needs that crap?!
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.