What’s Up With So Many Guys Wanting Sugar Mamas?

More and more frequently, guys are choosing to date women who earn more than them as a way to pay their bills. They don’t even try to hide this fact, either. With a slightly embarrassed smile, they shrug their shoulders and say, “Hey, bills have to get paid.” When I first saw this, I was pretty disgusted but assumed it’s a one-off thing. After I saw guy #3 do this, I felt I needed to actually say something about this. This crap needs to stop — here’s why:

  1. The entire concept is disgustingly entitled. I understand that being a sugar baby is a contract between two consenting adults — one who wants companionship, and the other who wants money. However, that isn’t what it boils down to with the new vanguard of sugar man-children. What these guys want is to avoid any responsibilities whatsoever, get laid, reduce exclusivity, and for us to be OK with this. They think they’re entitled to money and sex, when they themselves offer nothing in return.
  2. His mama clearly didn’t raise him right. If she did, she’d be mortified to know that he’d stoop this low. Does he honestly think his parents would be proud of this crap? Does he think his parents would be impressed by his desire to be financially supported by a lonely female?
  3. Isn’t he kind of embarrassed? Like, I know the job market is rough, but guys still get more callbacks than girls do on average. Getting a sugar mama to support his lifestyle is basically admitting that he can’t even compete with men or women his own age. That’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it?
  4. Women don’t need to pay for a hookup. Here’s the cold, honest truth. Guys who promote this stuff aren’t special, no matter how ripped their bodies may be. Cut bodies are a dime a dozen, and half of the time, guys who hit the gym regularly still have trouble getting laid. All a girl needs in order to get some funtime is to hit up Tinder or Craigslist. Don’t kid yourself.
  5. There’s a lot of hypocrisy in the air. Nine times out of 10, the guys who would ask for a sugar mama would also tell others that women are “all about money.” Seriously? The sugar lifestyle is borderline prostitution. That’s all fine as long as all parties consent, but he can’t sit there and talk about how women are about money when he’s the one pulling this crap.
  6. Women really won’t want to date him when they find out he did this. 99% of the time, wanting to be arm candy is just a phase. Eventually, the vast majority of people will want to settle down with someone. Most men won’t date a former escort because they’re worried about being used for money or that they’ll be cheated on. What makes him think that women will date him for doing the same? If anything, it will be even more of a dealbreaker than it already is with men.
  7. Beauty fades, baby. When push comes to shove, what men and women really want in a life partner is stability. His good looks might get his foot in the door, but honestly, those will fade. By the time he’s 30, he’ll most likely see some hair loss. By the time he’s 35, the chances of a girl paying him for his company will be laughably small. In other words, he shouldn’t fool himself into thinking can can do this forever. He can’t. While other guys may have found a stable, loving relationship by that time, he’ll have wasted his best years on something that never pays off.  Is that really what he wants?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.