What’s Wrong With Netflix And Chill? Traditional Dating Is Overrated

With hookup culture and dating apps taking over modern romance, lots of people have become frustrated with the way we get into relationships these days. Personally, though, I don’t mind the idea of casual dating. In fact, this is why I actually prefer it to doing things more traditionally:

  1. I like to keep things casual. Maybe I’d think differently if I were looking for a guy who could be husband material, but for now, I don’t mind if I end up dating a guy who ends up just being an almost-boyfriend at the most. Sure, it would be nice for him to turn out to be the man of my dreams, but I’m not going to be devastated if we just hook up a few times and go our separate ways. I like the no-pressure style of dating, and I don’t care if other people judge me for it.
  2. “Real” dates often feel so shallow. Lots of women love the idea of being wined and dined, but to me, it just seems like overkill. It’s nice to be taken on real dates every now and again, but when you’re constantly going out with a guy you barely know, it just feels like he’s trying to buy your affection. Even when I pay my own way on dates, I still feel like the whole experience isn’t that genuine.
  3. Traditional dating gets expensive. I normally insist on paying for my share when I go out with a guy, and eventually, it starts burning a hole in my wallet. I know I’m really just going to that cafe or restaurant to have an excuse to spend time with this guy, so I’d rather do the same thing on my couch without having to pay for an overpriced drink in the process. As long as I know the dude’s not going to murder me, I’d rather keep things chill and cheap.
  4. Everyone dates this way these days. Everyone bemoans the way that dating has transformed in recent years, but like it or not, this is how it’s done now. Rather than fighting it, I prefer to accept it. I don’t consider it a decline of dating standards to just invite a guy over to hang out and maybe hook up — it’s just different than how it was in our grandparents’ time.
  5. I’d rather cut right to the chase. I enjoy talking and getting to know someone as much as anyone does, but I’m also a very physical person. If I really want to hook up with or even just cuddle with a guy, I don’t like pretending that I want to take the physical part of our relationship slow. I know what I want, and if a guy is after the same thing, I prefer to skip the coffee dates.
  6. I want to know if the sex is good before wasting my time. There are few things worse in the dating game than getting to know a guy falling for him, and then realizing you have no chemistry in bed. Sex isn’t all of a relationship to me, but it’s definitely important. I want to make sure that I’ll enjoy hooking up with a guy before I spend too much time and energy on him.
  7. Plenty of good relationships have come from casual beginnings. Everyone acts like it’s impossible to find your soulmate after starting out as hookup buddies, but that’s simply not true. Just because things start out casual doesn’t mean that love can’t grow, and just because things start out traditionally doesn’t mean that you won’t get screwed over. I’m not doomed to always be single just because I’m a casual dater.
  8. People place too much importance on hooking up. I’m sick of hearing people act like hooking up with a guy is like giving part of yourself up for him. Sex doesn’t have to be a power game if you don’t make it one — it’s just about two people having a good time together. Keeping things casual doesn’t make you “easy.” It just means that your idea of connecting with a guy doesn’t have to involve sitting across from each other at a restaurant.
  9. I hate the formality of traditional dating. I’m a chill person, and I like my dating life to have zero frills, too. So I’m not interested in spending weeks on end getting to know a guy by only seeing him in public settings. I want to be able to be my complete self around him, and I don’t feel like I can be when we’re surrounded by other people. It’s fine for the first few dates, but after that, I’d rather keep things more relaxed.
  10. I don’t like being “spoiled” before we’ve gotten to know each other. I don’t need a guy to take me out or show me that he can “take care of me.” It all seems too showy, like he’s trying to buy his way into my pants. It’s nice to be taken out every once in a while, but I’ve been on dates with way too many guys who were way too insistent on proving how “chivalrous” they were by refusing to let me pay for my half of the bill when we went out. I’d rather skip all of that and just cut to the chase. If he’s going to treat me like a princess, I’d rather him do it once I know he’s worthy of being my prince.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.