It seems like with every passing day, new troubling dating behaviors emerge that make single women everywhere question whether we should just give up on love altogether. The latest dating trend, whelming, has actually been around for a while now but it’s only getting worse — and it’s a serious problem.
What is whelming?
There’s a bit of reverse psychology involved in whelming, in which the people you match with on dating apps constantly complain about the fact that they’re in high demand. They often mention how many matches they have, how many people are messaging them, and how much attention they’re receiving daily. In other words, it’s a form of humble-bragging, meant to make you feel thankful that your match is talking to you instead of all of them. See why it’s so obnoxious?
Why does this happen?
- Whelming is all about the ego. People who participate in this dating trend may seem insecure, and in many ways they are. However, they have pretty sizeable egos and use whelming to make themselves feel even more attractive and in demand. They think that by bragging about how much interest they’re getting, you’ll want to work even harder to be with them, which makes them feel even better about themselves. It’s a vicious cycle they just can’t get out of.
- Blame it on technology. Research from Compare the Market found that on average, single people trying to find love should be on a minimum of five or six dating apps to have the best chances of being successful. Five or six? That’s insane! Spending so much time swiping means an abundance of options but also more difficulty in making a meaningful connection. Hence, whelming.
- Hookups are too readily available. Theoretically, if you were only looking for a one-night stand, you could get one in a few short minutes of swiping. However, that fact alone is a direct root cause of whelming because it means we can afford to be pickier. “It has never been easier to hook up with a new partner,” says Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at LoveHoney. “But all that choice can feel overwhelming. You have a fridge full of food but you’re not hungry.”
How to avoid falling prey to whelming
- Spend less time on dating apps. This seems counterintuitive but it actually works. Whelming happens as a result of matching up with people who are also spending a ton of time swiping. By coming away from it sometimes and not making online dating too seriously, you might have fewer matches, but you’re also much less likely to deal with serial daters just looking for an ego stroke. And even if you do come across some, there will be fewer of them by default if you’re not online as much.
- Try not to take the process too seriously. If someone does try to pull the whole whelming move on you, just laugh it off. There’s no need to let it make you feel bad about yourself or lose faith in dating. You could either call the person out on it, letting them know how egocentric and conceited it makes them sound, or you could simply end the conversation and move on to someone who’s a little more down-to-earth.
- Look offline. You don’t need to stop looking for love just because whelming is getting you down. There’s a big, wide world out there full of other single people that you could meet at bars, in the grocery store, at the laundromat, in book clubs, etc. In these circumstances, talk of dating apps may not even come into the conversation, which might actually be pretty refreshing.
