When It Comes To Sleeping With Someone, I’m All About Quality Over Quantity

When It Comes To Sleeping With Someone, I’m All About Quality Over Quantity ©iStock/PeopleImages

Some of you may consider this sacrilege, but I’m going to say it anyway: getting laid is often overrated. As I get older, I definitely weigh my options more carefully instead of thinking any intimacy is good intimacy — and frankly, sometimes I’m just not feeling it. Quality over quantity, ladies — trust me. Here are the times when the intimacy probably just isn’t worth it:

  1. When you’re already exhausted. Yes, I remember a time when I would jump my boyfriend-of-the-moment regardless of my energy level. Getting laid was more fun and exciting than just about anything else. Sadly, things change. You get older, you settle into a long-term relationship, you have different priorities… the list goes on and on. Eventually you’d rather roll over in bed and get a damn good night’s rest. You think it’ll never happen to you, but it does. Sorry to break the news.
  2. When you’re not that into him. He doesn’t really do it for you, but you’re lacking other options at the moment. Have some self-respect and hold out for a good one — or at least a good one in the sack. He doesn’t have to be the love of your life, but you should only sleep with someone if the chemistry is off the charts. When it’s a casual, hook-up only situation, why would you settle for less? That’s plain stupid.
  3. When you’re too distracted to enjoy it. We all have a lot going on all the time — it’s just a given of adult life. When you bring that into bed with you, you’re bound to change the entire mood of the evening. It’s damn near impossible to sleep with someone when your mind is full of worries, anxieties and to-do lists. If he’s good enough, he can bring you out of it… and if that’s the case, hold onto him with an iron grip! If he’s not, then maybe you should take a rain check and go knock out some of those worrying tasks instead.
  4. When you feel regret afterwards. Oh, that’s never happened to you? BS. Everyone’s had at least one walk of shame… unless you’re some sort of saint or just boring as hell. Do you remember how crappy it feels when you regret sleeping with someone? Yeah, it sucks. You know what sucks less than that? Not having sleeping with someone at all. If your gut tells you it’s going to be a crappy experience, do yourself a favor and refrain altogether.
  5. When it’s nothing special or exciting. We’re too old for that. Sleeping with someone should be, if not mind-blowing, at least fun and enjoyable. If it’s just the same old boring stuff, find someone new who wants to get it on with a hot lady like yourself. Most of the fun of a casual relationship is the anticipation and the naughtiness of it. If none of that is present, time to drop him!
  6. When he’s weird in bed. Hey, no need to judge him. Maybe his idea of a good time isn’t the same as yours. Either way, if he isn’t into the same stuff that you are, there’s no reason to sleep with him. Compatibility is just as important when it comes to casual relationships as it is in a long-term partnership. Sure, maybe he didn’t show all his cards right away. Now that he has, you’ve realized that you’re over here with a regular deck and he’s in his own world playing Uno. Be nice, but definitely cut him loose.
  7. When you simply aren’t in the mood. It seems like today’s culture tells women that if we’re cool and modern, we’re supposed to be down to sleep with someone all day, every day. It’s this weird reverse psychology — like if we’re truly liberated feminists, then we should be cool sleeping with randoms in any given situation. That idea actually degrades us and strips us of our power of choice. You know what the real empowered move is? Telling someone, you know what, sorry. I’m not feeling it right now, so it’s not happening. The end.
  8. When you have other stuff you’d rather do. It’s okay to want to prioritize the rest of your life over sleeping with someone. Guess what, we’re not 18 anymore. We can’t just spend the whole day in bed like we could when we were young and carefree. I remember those days, and honestly, I wish I had spent them getting ahead in life! Then I wouldn’t have to hustle so hard now. If you would rather get some life crap done than get laid, by all means, go ahead. If that’s the case, you’re probably not having very good relationships anyway. If you want to have a quickie and then jump in the shower and get about your business afterwards, do that! The world is full of choices, sweetie.
  9. When, frankly, hanging with your friends is more fun. I would guess that we’ve all been in at least one relationship where we secretly wished we were spending time with our buddies instead of having the same old routine yet again. I know I have, an embarrassingly large number of times. You have your posse for a reason – you have a damn good time with them! Sometimes, your social life is gonna trump whatever guy you’re banging at the moment. Your friends should always take precedent over your flavor of the month.
  10. When you’re not having a good time. The two of you can’t make conversation, and on top of that, the love-making is uninspiring. Why are you doing this again? Because it just happened to be convenient and readily available? Screw that. Hold out for something adventurous, exciting, and heart-pounding. You deserve nothing less from your love life, so don’t settle. There’s something wrong if you’d rather spend a night with your toy than him. Trust me, I should know.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.