Having sex with a guy is one of the most personal things you can do. It’s also a great way to connect with him on a different level. However, it can be hard to know when you should cross that line. The truth is that there’s no right time to have sex with a guy — it’s all up to you, and what you feel is right. Here’s a guideline if you think you’re moving too fast or too slow.
- You feel naturally comfortable with him. It doesn’t matter the timeline of how long you’ve known each other. One-night stands aren’t everyone’s thing, but it’s totally okay to sleep with a guy you just met if you feel safe around him and use common sense. Sex is an intimate act, so if your body is tensing up and you’re uncomfortable, take that as a big sign that you’re not ready.
- You aren’t pressured. Similarly, you should never sleep with a guy just because he wants to. Any guy who says “come on, please?” or guilt trips you into having sex isn’t a good guy. You have a right to say no, and no means no — not “no, until you have a few more drinks.”
- Â You’re getting the right signs from him. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he’s down for sex all the time. That’s a pretty bad stereotype that has likely led to a lot of awkward situations. You need to make sure your partner is equally comfortable taking that step. Sex is only fun if both people are into it.
- It’s not happening in a parent’s house. Listen, it’s okay to have a partner who lives with their parents, as long as they have a game plan for when they’re moving out. In general, times have been tough, and not everyone has savings or job security. However, if the only option you have is to have sex in his parent’s house, that seems like a big red flag. If you’re an adult, you can find a place where you can be alone without impeding on someone else’s house rules. The only way having sex at his parent’s house is okay is if you know for a fact that his parents went on a long vacation, with proof that they’re completely out of the neighborhood.
- You’re both fully aware of where you stand. If you think he’s your boyfriend and he just assumes the two of you are casually dating, having sex might get messy. Likewise, if he’s had a crush on you for a long time and you’re just feeling a little lonely, it’s important that the two of you agree that the sex doesn’t come with any “terms”. Can minds change after the fact? Of course. Especially if it’s enjoyable, or if it causes the two of you to connect in a way you didn’t anticipate. But before it happens, you should both be clear and honest with each other. Otherwise, feelings may get hurt and you risk damaging the relationship altogether.
- You’re prepared for the aftermath. There are a few different paths that your relationship can take after having sex. If this guy only saw you as a fling, he’ll likely vanish. But if this guy is your boyfriend, things might intensify. However, as non-glamorous as it is, “aftermath” can also mean the consequences of having sex. If you didn’t use protection, do you know how you’d handle a baby or potential sexually transmitted disease? Do you have a gynecologist in case something comes up? Are your views on a potential pregnancy set? You’re not ready for sex if you don’t have a game plan, or if you’re too embarrassed to buy condoms.
- And, you’re prepared in general. Are you on birth control? You should be if you’re having sex and aren’t ready for a child. Educate yourself on the different types, and see which best fits your lifestyle. It’ll take a lot of anxiety about sex away if you know you’re prepared.
- You know for a fact that he’s single. If he seems to be a little mysterious as to whether or not he actually has a girlfriend, it’s best to leave this guy behind. Try not to involve yourself in messy situations if you can handle it, and try to follow girl code. If a guy tries to hit on you and take you home but there’s a girl on his phone’s home screen, dodge this bullet and — if possible — try to locate the girl on social media and let her know.
- You’re not afraid to be vulnerable. It can be hard feeling comfortable while you’re naked, but being able to strip down in front of someone is a power move. The best sex happens when you don’t think about any insecurities and focus solely on the connection. If your partner makes you feel sexy no matter what, you’re more than ready to take this step.
