When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough, Remember These Things

One of the worst things about breakups and rejection is when it takes a hit on your self-esteem. It’s easy to feel like you’re not good enough, that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, but that’s likely not the case. You’re a good person who’s worthy of love even if you don’t believe that right now. Instead of wallowing in the lies your brain is trying to tell you, here are some things to remember when you feel like you’re not good enough.

  1. There’s only one of you. There’s no one on this Earth just like you, so that alone makes you feel pretty special. You’re unique and special and worthy of being in the world. Repeat this to yourself as a mantra for as long as it takes for you to remember it.
  2. You don’t need other people to define your worth. It’s human nature to want to be well-liked, but look at it this way: you need to be able to live with yourself. So, as long as you like yourself, then other people feeling the same is just a bonus rather than a necessity. The harsh truth is that if your self-esteem and confidence are solely based on other people liking you, you’re never going to be truly happy. Anyway, that affection might not last forever, so sooner or later, you’ll go back to being miserable.
  3. It’s okay if you’re not someone’s type. Rejection always hurts, but it doesn’t actually mean you’re undesirable. Everyone has a type, so being turned down isn’t necessarily a sign that there’s something wrong with you. After all, the world would be pretty boring if everyone liked the same thing. There are plenty of people who would consider you their type.
  4. You’re not going to be compatible with everyone. Have you ever met someone you just don’t click with? There are no bad vibes or drama, you just don’t get each other. It’s just human nature, so other people not clicking with you is just a fact of life. Again, not being someone’s cup of tea doesn’t actually mean you’re not good enough.
  5. It’s redirection, not rejection. The saying “when one door closes, another opens” is overused, but it has some merit. Life works in weird ways; being turned down from a job or rejected by a guy you like can put you on the path to receiving something better. When you feel like you’re not good enough, this is vital to remember.
  6. You’re not undeserving of love. Everyone is worthy of love. You’re not fundamentally unlovable.
  7. Don’t compare yourself to others. Again, there’s no one like you. More importantly, just because other people look like they have their lives together doesn’t actually mean they do. Social media is deceptive. Other people might seem happy, beautiful, competent, and also struggle with feeling like they’re not good enough. You never know what it’s like for someone behind closed doors, so don’t assume they have everything going for them.
  1. Your life moves at your own pace. There’s a lot of pressure to reach certain milestones at certain ages, but everyone’s life moves at their own pace. You’re not a failure or not good enough if you didn’t tick all the boxes by a certain age. Besides, if we’re supposed to get everything done by 30, what do you do with the rest of your life? There’s so much to live for; you can find meaning in life in lots of places.
  2. Growth is a lifelong process. It’s okay to be a work in progress. When you feel like you’re not good enough, remember nobody’s perfect and no one has all the answers. We might stop growing up at some point, but growing as a person and learning new life lessons is a lifelong process. So, being willing to move forward and improve yourself is a good sign. After all, lots of people choose to stay stagnant because it’s easier.
  3. You can’t hate yourself into loving yourself. When you feel like you’re not good enough, remember that hating yourself isn’t actually going to change anything about your situation, it just makes you more miserable.
  4. Beating yourself up isn’t productive. It’s okay to be down, but beating yourself up constantly because you feel like you’re not good enough isn’t productive. As mentioned above, it just makes you more miserable, and nothing ever changes.
  5. Repressing your feelings isn’t helpful either. You can acknowledge how you feel. Otherwise, you’ll explode. It’s okay to have insecure moments or feel bad about rejection. Repressing any negative thought that comes into your mind is toxic positivity, which is actually not helpful at all, either. So, acknowledge the thoughts when they pop up, and then find something else to do so you don’t dwell on them. This is especially true if you’re upset about something you have some control over. For example, use this when you feel like you’re not good enough because someone else is more talented at a particular thing.
  6. You’re more than your looks. If you feel like you’re not good enough because you’re insecure about your appearance, remember you are so much more than a pretty face. After all, no one’s looks last forever, so being a good person is more important. When you’re looking back on your life when you’re old, you’ll reminisce about good memories, not about having had a flat stomach in your 20s.
  7. Don’t change for anyone. You might consider changing who you are so other people like you more, but this just makes you more miserable. Your people are out there.
  8. You deserve respect. If you feel like you’re not good enough because you’re surrounded by people who treat you poorly, know you deserve better. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Removing toxic people from your life will probably make you feel loads better in the long run.
Aisling is a 20-something year old Irish writer who is the life and relationship guru of her social circle. She loves music, movies, and coffee.